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God lose em Dee. Its these moments that make it all bearable. I just wonder why like your mum my mum can remember something she fixates on for days on end but some things she cannot remember from one moment to the next. I said as much to Mum today and she was quite profound in her response. She said you know when you were young you had all those kites? well thats how it feels. Now to the average person they may think shehad totally lost it but I remember being a child and having a puzzle book where you had to find which kite belonged to which person through a tangle of kite strings. If she feels like that ALL the time then its no wonder she is so miserable. For someone who used to be a bank manager trying to plait fog must be so frustrating.
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God Love then that should have read
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oh yes, God loves them. Candy was the first thing my mom wanted this morning for breakfast. She got pissy when I told her she had to wait until after lunch haha! And it was the first thing she asked me for when I got home from work. every morning when I leave for work I give my mom a kiss and a hug and I tell her I love her, I will see her later, and have a good day. Without fail she says to me "I love you too I'm hungry!" I always have to reassure her that the caregivers will feed her while I'm gone. Sometimes when I am leaving I like to tease her. I will send it to her no booze and no boys and stop renting dirty movies they're too expensive". Depending on her mood she will either smile and say "ok" or roll her eyes, act disappointed and say "aw, no fun!". She's quite adorable sometimes.
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Tonight when I was taking mom to bathroom I stood her up and before I could pull her pants down she said "turn around mister and put your toy away". (Whaaat?!) I asked her who she was talking to, "that guy", and what was she talking about "oh, you know, that's what they call their dinker (penis)". Geez, I grew up with 5 brothers and have heard pretty much everything (and repeated before I knew better) so why do I blush when my ma says stuff like that?
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Now thats the one thing I dont have to put up with Dee. My mother has NEVER discussed sex with me in any form not even what menstruation was - I thought I had had too big a poo and my bottom had split open when I had my first menstruation cycle (mind you I was only 10).

She always kept a calendar with regard to that sort of thing or so I thought - then much much later when I emntioned it to her (she was about 58 at the time I saw my dad smile and roll his eyes.

Later he said to me thats 'our' day - me and your mum - now that did make me blush.

Her and dad had very different views - she told me I would have to put up with sex or the man would go elsewhere (dad did from time to time) but dad said anywhere was fine even the kitchen table! (that explained why he went astray periodically).

My mother wont use terms for any part of her body that in the normal scheme of things wouldnt be on show so basically anything a bathing costume covers. That makes it really difficult when we go to the doctors about anything in that regard. I have tried to get her to understand the terms ie anus vagina groin breasts nipple.
Example So XXXX where do you have pain.....down there ...can you tell me where XXXX i just said down there. Can you point to the pain? Sorry doctor (said with the deepest sarcasm) dont you know where down there is? The doctor and I have this sorted now - fortunately both of us know how to sign the letters of the alphabet it can be a godsend! I just sign the letter a or v and she at least has a clue where she is looking!
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I gave Mom an apple turnover last night for dessert, she looked at it and said:

Mom: What is this?
Me: Poison, Mom
Mom: Gee, love you too.
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I needed to laugh
One day my mom was trying to console my Aunt who was very upset about her increasing bouts of Dementia

My Aunt : I am so embrassed my mind is going
She was crying and repeating "I want to just die"
My mom "Honey we are old nobdy pays any mind to us While just the other day I was at my friends 60 th anniversary party.My friend pinned a flower on me. I said to her Did I win a prize why the flower? My friend said because you were my maid of honor you ass"
My Aunt swiped her tears,looked Mom in the face
.serious as could be
Aunt:": Umh, Ass I will remember to call you that from now on!"
We all laughed til we cried happy tears
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LOL soverytired!!!

I play a Glenn Miller CD in the car whenever we go anywhere and one of the songs that began to play.... my Mom got so EXCITED..she screamed : "Sentimental Noodle"!!!! (for the Sentimental Journey song....)
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Francis lol
We got to hang on to the good
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Yep Sovery, it's all we got ;)
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I have to say up fron that this is not my mum but a conversation overheard in hospital this afternoon between an elderly lady who has just been diagnosed with alzheimers and a psychiatrist. Elderly lady is 94 and has been taken to hospital following a suicide attempt - she walked into a river.
Doctor and why did you do this
Well I dont want to live with Alzheimers - anyone would think you think thats wrong
Well as a doctor there is a lot we can do to help
Can you get rid of alzheimers?
Well no but...
Well if you cant get rid of it why cant I die?
Well you need to think of your family
If I had family I would be in Switzerland at Dignitas. I am neither foolish nor insane young man. I have lived a grand life and done many things you will never do. I have walked among princes and dined among emperors and I will not be told by some young whippersnapper of a doctor when I can die. Good grief its actually preposterous that you think I am insane andbefore you start I do not have depression - that is for mamby pambys - I was a full time nanny for some of the richest people in theworld not a mamby pamby.
Well I was sat in the next cubicle hooting with laughter tinged with sorrow- for this woman really felt her useful life was over and she would just like to choose with dignity her method of departure from this world. All I can say is I hope someone upstairs hears her prayer and guides her with dignity to a quick closure.
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I got mom in the depends panties. She still gets up by herself to go to the bathroom. She had an accident and filled them with number 2. I found them in the bathroom sink. She hadn't cleaned up and got it in the hall and her bedroom and bed. I said mom, you are suppose to call me if you have an accident. She said "Why" "I put them in the sink."
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Tonight we brought dinner to Mom and Dad. Lately Dad has been having difficulty navigating his meals. He forgets he has a plate in front of him and starts eating out of the serving bowls or he will be holding bread in one hand and grab another hunk with his other hand. It is a little sad but funny too.
In the past few weeks he has developed a voracious appetite for salad. Tonight when all the salad was gone from his bowl he stood up and grabbed the salad tongs and started eating right from the big salad bowl. He wouldn't even sit down he just stood there with the tongs eating one mouthful after another until the whole bowl was empty. When my Mom asked him if he would rather use a fork he just looked at her like she was nuts. I almost peed myself trying not to bust out laughing!
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This isn't what he said it is the funniest thing that happened with my husband. I happened on our journey back to Britain. He has an awful unstoppable habit of "humphing" as I call it. It is "Hmff, hmff, hmff," all day as he breathes out. Well in the air plane my had asked my son, who was travelling with us to take over and excersise his dad for me by walking him around the plane. On his return my son was alone so I asked "Where's Dad?" "In the loo". Mad as I snake I rushed back to the toilet area and found my husband still on the toilet but with a dirty nappy around his ankles and excrement all down his legs. Being the practical person I am and sizing up the minuteness of the plane's toilet, I dropped to my knees in front of him folded the nappy over as best to contain its cargo and yanked his trousers off . I slammed the door shut and was about to tackle the task in front of me when there came an urgent, excited banging on the toilet door. Now bear in mind what I said earlier. There he was "Hmff, hmff,hmff" and his trousers outside the door with me, a woman, locked in the toilet with him.! A passing Stewardess was frantically trying to stop us becoming members of the Mile High Club! I couldn't help but burst out laughing. I opened the door and as she sized up the true situation her face took on the mixed look of surprise, embarrassment and mirth. I hope you caught the joke of it.
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Evident, oh dear, that is hilarious!
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My mother (in a NH) eats next to nothing so rarely poops. She said if she could get a can of dog food to eat she'd poop. My response? "All that would make you do is turn around three times before you got into bed".

Sheesh I don't even feed my dogs canned muck.
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Tonight my Mom said I was beautiful. I told her that she was beautiful too and that she glowed. She said " I haven't been drinking"..... :)
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Mom's tastebuds have changed. She doesn't like some of the food she used to eat. I've been trying different things. Made roasted Brussels sprouts last night - first time either of us has had them. They're actually quite good! Anyway, Mom took a couple of bites and thought they were pretty good. Then all at once she looked up at me and said with an apologetic smile "I don't think these will be one of my favorites". I laughed and agreed. A few minutes later I catch her feeding them to the pups after I've told her a dozen times not to. Before I could "scold" her she got an impishly proud grin on her face and said "well, the dogs like them!" I shook my head and told her if she gives them the runs, she's cleaning it up. Fat chance.
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Mum is still in hospital and I am not allowed to visit - funny in itself really because I picked up a DV infection from her in the first place (if you dont call it DV then it is evacuation from both ends of the body!) Today my daughter visited and then rang me so I could speak to her. Clearly Mum is now on the mend or we are having a rallying of some sort because the phone clal went like this.
Hi Mum hows you
What do you care you never visit
I was there yesterday Mum do you remember - in the morning and the afternoon and then again in the evening - and the day before I stayed there all day with you?
Yes but you give up easily just as well xxxx (my dughter) comes or Id have noone
Well they wont let me come in mum because I might make you ill again
I havent been THAT ill
SILENCE(now clearly Mum is lucid and knows where she is)
Okaaay Mum so how are you
Well Im fine but the wedding was dreadful. They got married in a FIELDS. There were women is silly orange hats (hmm that could be the picture of orange freesias in her room) they wouldnt let me have cake and I cant get your Dad out fo the bar thats why I need you for goodness sake.....(OK perhaps not quite so lucid Dads been dead 18 years and Mums in an acute medical ward)
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OMGoodness I love this thread. so many funny but tender stories!
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MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS...NURSING HOME IS FOR OLD PEOPLE...( SHES 90)...ALSO ONE DAY I WAS IN KITCHEN DOING DISHES WHEN I HEAR HER YELLING AT THE TV...."OH MAURY,..I HATE WHEN THEM FAT WOMEN START TWEARKING..."..LOL
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My dad has foot issues
Everyday I must wash his feet and apply medication
Today when I was washing his feet
I said"Gee Dad I guess I am like Jesus washing feet"
Dad replied "Bring me my hammer nails and the wood out of the Garage I will tend to you Jesus at noon"
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My sister and Mom continue to bring Dad to work the flea market on Sundays. I have my reservations but I'm letting that go.
Mom sends Dad up to the lunch counter to get food...by himself (walker, balance issues, dementia...again letting go, letting gooo...) Apparently last Sunday when he got to the counter he pulled his pants down (Depends stayed put thank goodness). The gal at the counter said J! You can't do that here! Dad just glared at her and stuttered "I'm looking for my money!" "My wife put it in here"
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Trying I would have died if Id seen that - you have just got to giggle or you'd weep. Mum is absolutely insistent today that if she doesnt behave the police will wrap her in a blanket and put her in the ovens. That and there are cats in her ward and a man came and had sex with his wife in there last night. Clearly not quite all there yet but I had to ask...how do you KNOW he had sex with his wife. She was moaning all the time he was in there. Well I had to laugh.... she is in a ward where they all moan call out or shout so getting this dear lady who is over 90 onto the commode probaly was a moaning experience and I said as muc....Oh no says me mum I used to make those sounds when your Dad and I had sex and did she say it quietly oh god no. Oh heavens too much information - the poor man visiting the lady opposite my mum had to leave the ward he was in tears of laughter
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After one of my mother's first knee replacement I arranged for her to go to the care facility nearest my home. When I visited after the first night she clutched my arm and pleaded with me to get her off of the boat. "What boat?" I said, and she told me she had spent the night in the hold of a boat with a lot of sweating, swearing, stinky sailors. I decided to spend the next night by her bed since she was clearly delusional -- and discovered to my chagrin that indeed some care facilities at night are exactly like that -- full of swearing, screaming, stinky patients. I took her home ASAP....
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First, I should start by mentioning that I'm Mom's financial POA. and take care of all her money.

Saturday, we grilled steaks as a little treat to celebrate the good weather finally arriving. Mom was halfway through eating her steak and seemed uncomfortable. Finally, we realized that she had to go to the bathroom. We assured her that she should go and that we probably wouldn't eat her steak on her. ;-)

We had a hard time convincing her and, at one point, she looked at me and said, "I trust you with my money, but I don't trust you with my steak!"
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OMGOSH, LOL, we all do need these funny breaks, it helps us hold onto our sanity. Got one for you. My dad was 84 in 2009, already well into his ALZ and Dementia. I was taking him to see a dear friend in the hospital. He refused to use a walker or wheelchair, but would use a cane but someone had to hold onto him on the opposite side and about drag him along (not a good idea, this puts both at a fall risk). But pride, you know. Anyway, as we were struggling down the long hallways, him about pushing himself into the wall and me doing my best to hold him upright, a nurse stopped us and said "Please! You are struggling! Do you need a wheelchair!?". My father looked her dead in the eye and sincerely replied, "Oh, no thank you, my daughter needs to walk around a bit, it was a long drive". It took everything that the nurse and I had to not burst out right then and there and LOL.
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Sometimes it's not what they say but what they do.......My Mom used to look forward to going places for instance like a doctors appointment. So there we would sit, everyone is quiet and patiently waiting for their appointment. Mom would ALWAYS notice an awkward moment that some stranger would be experiencing such as when thier name is called, thier pants would get stuck in the crack and remain there while they unknowingly walked away. My Mom would come up with these hilarious looks on her face, and of course I would see them because I was watching her, watch the other people. And then I would try desperatly not to laugh out loud, which in turn then she would attempt to do the same. Then it was even harder because no one else knew what we were doing or why something was so funny and the room was so quiet. Kind of like being in church. We would laugh so hard that the two of us would have tears running down our cheeks! My Mom was very entertaining!
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Morning caregiver walked in this morning. She is a fussbutt...always...means well, though. Anyway, she came in and the dogs were ripping up a Kleenex on the rug by the door while I was getting mom settled in the living room. She's fussing at the dogs and ma says to her "you know what Dee and I would like?" Caregiver replies "what?". Mom says "if just one day you'd walk in the door and not complain". Oh, sh*t. Caregiver responds "well okay then, I won't say ANYTHING!". My mom responds with...wait for it..."well, that would be a treat!". Some days mom's real clear...guess today was one of them.
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LOL - all of you are giving me a good laugh at the beginning of the week. Thanks!
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