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We were going to take mum to a lavender farm today...just as we were getting into the car she said I cant stand lavender....aaah that was news to me but rather than cause upset we took her to an old mill to see how it was years ago ..... Mum had a great time. On the way home she said lavender wasnt there then .... well no mum you said you couldn't stand lavender. No I cant she always pulled my hair.......Light clicks on Lavender was a girl she went to school with
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That's cute.

My mom sometimes says things that seem out of context or confusing, or she mixes up words to cause funny statements. She asked me to take her to Michael's and, on the way out the door, said, "I hate Michael's." I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "But you asked me to take you." She admitted she did and kept walking. I persisted in asking why she hates it.

The light bulb went on for her and she tried to figure out what she was trying to say. Finally, she just said, "I don't know what I was trying to say, let's just go."
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Yes my mum often does that or she will change the subject because she thinks I wont notice she has lost the plot of what she intended to say. Today's classic? You have to change my bottom this one's dirty. So I said you mean your panties? Response? You are stupid sometimes you can't wear patios ... hey ho!
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LOL
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Fave sis with her favorite daughter, N and granddaughter R - dropped by with lunch today. She was singing the National Anthem with her 4 year old granddaughter (who is learning it from daycare). Sis doesn't know most of the words,so what she knows - she sings and the ones she doesn't, she hums.

After they left, my dad said, "V has a very good singing voice. She can sing the high notes."

I texted sis his praise of her.
She texted back, "Oh really. Thank you. hehe, but N said he is just deaf."
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Thinking how beautiful it was Saturday, we took mom to go see Gibbs Gardens. The 22 million daffodils were in full bloom as were the forsythia's and spirea. It was just lovely. They have a tram to ride around the gardens if you can't walk. I got mom on the tram and as we were riding along, I said "Isn't this just beautiful, mom?" She says so dead pan. "I've seen flowers before." "Besides, the sun is in my eyes."
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Hanger that is an absolute corker she is clearly related to my mum!
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Wow, what a big family! Related to my mom, as well!! ;-)
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Today we were sitting in a huge conference room at a law firm getting my parents to sign their updated legal documents. While in the room one side all the lights went out [they there sensor lights]. The notary went over to try to get the lights on.... she couldn't. So my Dad said he had a pocket full of quarters.
(8)
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Since I am an only child, I love having a bigger family! I think of mom as Lady Grantham.
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Most of us have seen those commercials for the small, easy-to-peel citrus fruits marketed toward children. Most of us have seen the "if you don't have Halos, they don't have Halos" commercials where children get cranky and up to mischief if you don't have these special fruits around.

I quite often get these (or Cuties) for my mom, who doesn't have a lot of strength in her hands. But I don't buy them, exclusively.

The other day, Mom actually got so aggravated by peeling an ordinary honey tangerine that I couldn't help think "when I don't have Halos, she doesn't have a Halo!"
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I visited Mom recently and found her in her big "barcalounger" chair (which she LOVES) watching TV....her face lit up in a beautiful smile when she saw me in her doorway so I held up my iPhone and said "Smile"! She did and I snapped it.....she looked so damn cute and petite in that big chair, wearing a hot pink hoodie and grey and pink sweats.....I took the snap and handed her the phone.....she took one look at the pic, shoved the phone back at me and said, "OMG....get rid of that and take another....I look like a big, fat pink baby!". So....I look at the pic and damn if she isn't right.....the CNA's had tied the strings of the hood so it billowed around her face making it look really small and the way she was sitting made the midsection billow out and her skinny little legs just stuck out from the chair.....I couldn't help it....I just started laughing….then Mom started laughing....oh, we laughed our azzes off (as captain would say).....d*mn if Mom with her dementia can't STILL be the sharpest card in the pack....(same 93 yo woman who asked if her Mom was still alive and insisted we were expected at Grandma's last Thanksgiving) ....just makes my heart sing to think of that moment, so much unintended fun for both of us!
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Pardon me if this isn't a "funny" moment….bit more nostaglic...but, I was reading a news article online and at the end there was a link to ancestry so I clicked on it and fiddled around and D*MN.....I found the ship (Franconia) that Mom and Grandmom travelled on (home) from their visit to Ireland....and YES....there they are, lines 26 and 27 of the passenger manifest....Mom was just 3 yo, Grandma was only 29....sadly, I'm pretty sure this was the only time Grandma ever returned to Ireland (after leaving at just 14yo to travel to the US) to visit her relatives and show off her beautiful little girl (there are some great photos of Mom w/a cute pixie haircut in a donkey wagon)....I am thinking I will order the passenger manifest and the beautiful photo of the ship for Mom.....BTW....this was 1925....yes....90 years ago....amazing, isn't it?.....just so love Mom....she's been trooping around the world since she was 3.....still blows my mind.....thank you for your tolerance....again, it's not a "funny", but I have plenty.....Mom's a total hoot, still, guarantee you!
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For years now, even before Dad's stroke, he would confuse his son (my younger brother) with his brother (look like Dad's twin) because they have the same first name. Every time my brother calls, my dad thinks it's his brother. (My dad's sister, his look-alike brother and mom all died within 6 months.)

Bro called today while I was out. Since my dad's hearing is bad, Dad put the cordless phone on speaker. Fave niece thought it was hilarious the conversation between grandpa and uncle.

Grandpa, "Are you dead?" Uncle tells him no, that he's not dead.
Grandpa, "Why aren't you dead? So, am I dead?" Uncle, laughing, trying to explain that they're both not dead.... after some back and forth normal conversation....
Grandpa, "You're not dead?"
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This thread is meant to give us something to look forward to, so if it strays a bit, as long as it's something enjoyable to read, I'm all for it!

A little off-topic, as well, but we watched Carl Reiner (comedian in his 90's) being interviewed on TV a few weeks ago. He said he starts his day by reading the obituaries. If he's not in there, he goes about his business for the day. We all got a laugh out of that, especially Mom. I think she liked the interview, too, because he's still quite active.
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When my mom needs something but can't tell me what it is she will call "can you turn me over?". I tell her caregivers she speaks in code, as it usually means she is uncomfortable in some way. This morning she was obviously still lost in a dream, because I heard, "can you turn me yellow, bright yellow?" several times before I got out of bed!
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Mum is about to have a visit from a memory advisor. Now along with everything else her hearing isnt quite what it was.....He better not touch my breasts she said...it took me ages, because she immediately became agitated of course, to realise she thought I had said mammary advisor!!!!!
(5)
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Sometimes when my mom can't come up with a word she wants to express she will use the first one that comes to mind. Last night she was trying to tell me someone was telling fibs...so she said "those nurses were jacking off". I was shocked for a second then I said "what did you say?". She repeated it and I starting laughing. She realized it was vulgar so she said "I don't know what that means so I probably shouldn't say that word". That made me laugh even harder. Oh, Ma!
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Dee1963, your mom may of meant jacking their jaw. Seen it used for either talking too much or actually hitting someone, but yours was funny.
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Had a bit of a day when mum thought the poo on her wet wipe was furniture polish ...all sorted now thanks to advice from others zoflora,vinegar, bicarb, almond wood wash and lavender polish. Mums not having a bright day by a long chalk. So having asked her whats up, having put a brand new steam washable mattress (hopsital style) on her bed, in fact having done a total deep clean of her room she said why do you have to stay here all the time you can go home you know. I must have given a weird look and then had to laugh to myself when she said. Why dont you go home and rest .... my daughter (aka me) will be home soon shes not much good but its about time she gave you a rest. I cam back a bit later and she said that carer thats been in today...yes Mum what about her...oh I dont like her at all she never stopped fussing about and I had already polished the room and then the hospital came out with a new bed and she's stolen it ...yeah OK mum I will talk to her. Whatever!!!!
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We were on a drive today and passed a sign that said "Dog Park"
Mom - Dog Park? Dogs Park There??
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My mum called me through - for the unpteenth time today when she went to the toilet. I Looked in the commode and was utterly shocked but tried to stay calm. Mums urine was olive green and very very green at that. Apart from the obvious now what? I was alarmed - even I know that it shouldnt be green given the meds shes on dont have that side effect - no amitriptyline; methylene blue; triamterene; Methocarbamol so what the hell is wrong. When I took it upstairs I realised the cause. I told Mum what had happened and she smiled yes I know I don't like those dark blue paper tissues so I used them instead of toilet paper. Raises eyes heavenward!!!! Oh by the way for any of you who do use a commode a bit of toilet tissue in the bottom of the commode makes getting soil out much easier - just dont use dark blue tissues!!!!!
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Mom: did you color Easter eggs?
Me: no, Ma...my kids are grown, so I don't color eggs anymore.
Mom: why not? Do you think the store sells them already colored?
Me. probably.
Mom: if I start walking now, do you think I could get to the store before they close?
Me: Ma, I'll color eggs for you if you want them.
Mom: well, rah-rah-lizard sh*t! I could color eggs too! I just wanted to know if they color the eggs or the shells!
Me: (open mouth, furrowed brow, confused silence...)

Later next day...
Mom: did you get any Easter candy?
Me: (oh sh*t, here we go!) No, Ma. I'll pick some up tomorrow.
Mom: why didn't you get any Easter candy?

Lesson learned. You're never too old for Easter eggs and candy. Guess I'm stopping at the store on the way home.
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Mom bought a Paas kit from the thift shop (which I gladly accepted then hid because I knew she'd forget all about it). But, I did make sure I bought her a solid chocolate bunny and a few other goodies. When she insisted on buying the Paas kit, it was a hint of what was to come.

Also, had to buy her an Easter lily to watch.

Well, I'd better take the Easter cards off the counter. Mom just wished me a Happy Easter - she does that every time she sees the cards.

Say, for next year, maybe I'll wait until the day after Easter so I can get the candy on markdown. If I tell her it's Easter, she might not really know the difference. :-)
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Hmm Dee that will teach to mention Ester. Mum went to church and had an easter egg then she came home and said I dont like that church (like it was a different one - it wasn't) they gave me an easter egg and I hate easter eggs. I just smiled - wasn't much else to say then came the classic. That woman there she must have dementia its your Dad who likes them - I'll save it for him - that could be a long long wait.... he died in 98. I said well I dont think dad likes them any more....Not your Dad you stupid woman ....my husband (ah OK she thinks I am the carer again) How is it they can switch on and off faster than a darned light switch
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I stopped on way home from work to get Ma her favorite dinner. As soon as I said hi she asked me if I got her Easter candy. Oh crud I forgot it! Gonna be an ugly night.
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I called Dad [93] this afternoon, the phone usually rings 12-15 times before he answers it. We were talking for a few seconds when we heard the phone extension pick up and a squealing noise from Mom's hearing aid.... don't know why Mom [97] picks up the phone as she can't hear much at all, then she hung up the extension.....

I started to giggle when Mom did it again a second time a minute later... told Dad if Mom is checking up on who Dad is talking to by sneaking a listen on the extension her hearing aid is a dead give away.... that got Dad really laughing, hadn't heard Dad laugh like that in quite some time :)
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Mom, age 78: Do momma and daddy still live in the tree?
Me: When did they live in a tree? I only remember the farm house.
Mom: Oh that burned down and a tree fell on it and they decided to live in the hole on the tree.
Me: I guess they aren't there anymore. Last I saw them they were not in a tree. (which is totally true.)
Mom: Are they still together?
Me: Oh yes absolutely. They always will be. (Because they are buried next to each other!)
Mom: Do you ever hear from them? It's been a long time since I've heard from any of them.
Me: Well....(thinking what do I say?! WHAT DO I SAY!!! THINK!!!) Um....
Grandma wants you to know she loves you very much and to make sure to do what the doctor says.
Mom: Oh good.
WHEW. That was a close one.
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Oh the fibs we tell to keep everything smooth. Mum has lost most of her smell and taste and so she really doesnt enjoy food that much. Today we had liver and onions (iron nutrients - see I am good really), Now she likes lambs liver and I like pigs liver and cant abide the softer texture of lamns liver. So I never said a word and presented her with pigs liver and onions. Mmm she said we should have kidney more often. Oh we can do that says I and then left the room before I started giggling kidney indeed!!!!
(4)
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Finally remembered mom's Easter candy.
Mom: did you bring me candy?
Me: yes.
Mom: can I have it?
Me: how about after dinner?
Mom: ok.
After dinner...
Mom: where's my candy?
Me, after unwrapping and handing to her: here.
Mom: what is it?
Me: a Cadbury egg.
Mom: do I have to peel it?
Me: um no, ma. Just eat it.
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