You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
My mom sometimes says things that seem out of context or confusing, or she mixes up words to cause funny statements. She asked me to take her to Michael's and, on the way out the door, said, "I hate Michael's." I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "But you asked me to take you." She admitted she did and kept walking. I persisted in asking why she hates it.
The light bulb went on for her and she tried to figure out what she was trying to say. Finally, she just said, "I don't know what I was trying to say, let's just go."
After they left, my dad said, "V has a very good singing voice. She can sing the high notes."
I texted sis his praise of her.
She texted back, "Oh really. Thank you. hehe, but N said he is just deaf."
I quite often get these (or Cuties) for my mom, who doesn't have a lot of strength in her hands. But I don't buy them, exclusively.
The other day, Mom actually got so aggravated by peeling an ordinary honey tangerine that I couldn't help think "when I don't have Halos, she doesn't have a Halo!"
Bro called today while I was out. Since my dad's hearing is bad, Dad put the cordless phone on speaker. Fave niece thought it was hilarious the conversation between grandpa and uncle.
Grandpa, "Are you dead?" Uncle tells him no, that he's not dead.
Grandpa, "Why aren't you dead? So, am I dead?" Uncle, laughing, trying to explain that they're both not dead.... after some back and forth normal conversation....
Grandpa, "You're not dead?"
A little off-topic, as well, but we watched Carl Reiner (comedian in his 90's) being interviewed on TV a few weeks ago. He said he starts his day by reading the obituaries. If he's not in there, he goes about his business for the day. We all got a laugh out of that, especially Mom. I think she liked the interview, too, because he's still quite active.
Mom - Dog Park? Dogs Park There??
Me: no, Ma...my kids are grown, so I don't color eggs anymore.
Mom: why not? Do you think the store sells them already colored?
Me. probably.
Mom: if I start walking now, do you think I could get to the store before they close?
Me: Ma, I'll color eggs for you if you want them.
Mom: well, rah-rah-lizard sh*t! I could color eggs too! I just wanted to know if they color the eggs or the shells!
Me: (open mouth, furrowed brow, confused silence...)
Later next day...
Mom: did you get any Easter candy?
Me: (oh sh*t, here we go!) No, Ma. I'll pick some up tomorrow.
Mom: why didn't you get any Easter candy?
Lesson learned. You're never too old for Easter eggs and candy. Guess I'm stopping at the store on the way home.
Also, had to buy her an Easter lily to watch.
Well, I'd better take the Easter cards off the counter. Mom just wished me a Happy Easter - she does that every time she sees the cards.
Say, for next year, maybe I'll wait until the day after Easter so I can get the candy on markdown. If I tell her it's Easter, she might not really know the difference. :-)
I started to giggle when Mom did it again a second time a minute later... told Dad if Mom is checking up on who Dad is talking to by sneaking a listen on the extension her hearing aid is a dead give away.... that got Dad really laughing, hadn't heard Dad laugh like that in quite some time :)
Me: When did they live in a tree? I only remember the farm house.
Mom: Oh that burned down and a tree fell on it and they decided to live in the hole on the tree.
Me: I guess they aren't there anymore. Last I saw them they were not in a tree. (which is totally true.)
Mom: Are they still together?
Me: Oh yes absolutely. They always will be. (Because they are buried next to each other!)
Mom: Do you ever hear from them? It's been a long time since I've heard from any of them.
Me: Well....(thinking what do I say?! WHAT DO I SAY!!! THINK!!!) Um....
Grandma wants you to know she loves you very much and to make sure to do what the doctor says.
Mom: Oh good.
WHEW. That was a close one.
Mom: did you bring me candy?
Me: yes.
Mom: can I have it?
Me: how about after dinner?
Mom: ok.
After dinner...
Mom: where's my candy?
Me, after unwrapping and handing to her: here.
Mom: what is it?
Me: a Cadbury egg.
Mom: do I have to peel it?
Me: um no, ma. Just eat it.