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Need, his number WASN'T up. He's alive! For many others, who died, their number was up. I just don't much subscribe to any kind of juju, but that is just me. I just never did. I think we are poor scared creatures in the world who need to comfort ourselves. And I don't BLAME us. If something, be it god or casting stones, I am all for it. And I LOVE playing with my Tarot cards. So there you are. As with masks, different strokes for different folks, and in this world, we surely do vary. Which is a fine thing. I sure don't want to meet MYSELF around the corner; I have enough of ME as it is! I say love and hearts out to us all no matter WHAT we believe.
And, like Houdini, if I get to come back YOU WILL ALL KNOW IT. Hee.
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Alva. My Gosh! Not good news but your words here just ooze strength! Also common sense & humour too - had me cackling..

You make GOOD sense. I get that Doctors want to see what they are dealing with, but poking holes in aliens does NOT make sense to me either.

I had a biopsy at 22 & the Doc said if it looked sus he'd just take the lump there & then instead. I said do it. It was done.

I'll be checking in & hope hope hope the alien is evicted quick smart!
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Alva,

I think regardless of race or faith, that it’s fate. I don’t think faith has a lot to do with it.

I received a phone call from my younger brother who told me that he had a fight on the plane that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11.

He had no reason not to get onto the plane but he had a feeling that he shouldn’t get on the plane and he didn’t.

He traveled all the time without any fear or phobias. He was in shock like the rest of the world when he saw the outcome of that flight. He felt extremely fortunate that he didn’t get on the plane that day.

I feel his number wasn’t up at that time.

Another time, when I was robbed at gunpoint, the robber told me that he would kill me. I was 18 and literally begged for my life. He got the money but spared my life. It wasn’t my time to go.

Same thing when my car spun around on interstate and I was facing oncoming traffic at high speed. The car was spinning out of control and then suddenly stopped. I ended up not having a scratch on me. Believe me when I say, I thought I would die but I absolutely feel that it wasn’t my time to go.

Yet, I know a family in my neighborhood who accidentally ran over their three year old grandson in their driveway. He died from his injuries. They were practicing Christians. I don’t think anyone’s faith will save them or others no matter how much they pray if their numbers are up. Just my thoughts on it.
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Well, it sure is safe to say when you're dead your number is up.
And your number is up when you're dead.........
Because--hee hee--you're dead.
So your number's clearly up.

As to that being fore-ordained?
Those with "faith" sometimes support that theory.

As a science based RN I look at statistics a lot. African-Americans die at a much higher rate than Causcasians of cancer, of covid and of even maternal and infant mortality. Of high blood pressure. Pretty much of everything. If I extrapolate out that their numbers just "came up" and that some "god" ordained it so, then I must say that he either LOVES AM people much more and calls them to him early, or that he hates them and chooses to deprive them of long life because...................
well, who could guess his reasons, we are told.

But, who knows.

Don't mean it to be a religious discussion really, or a mask or covid discussion, but that's OK, too!
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Alva and ITRR,

My crazy cousin had, “I told you I was sick!” inscribed on his tombstone. I giggle every time I walk past it. He died in his 90’s.

I also feel like when our number is up, that’s all folks! Some deaths may be prevented but many are not.

None of us know exactly when the end will come. Or know how it will happen. I don’t think that I would want to know the day and time beforehand.

I have heard experienced nurses say that they have seen patients who they surely thought would die and their patients ended up making a complete recovery. Or that they have cared for patients that everything looked good and they took a sudden turn for the worst and died suddenly.
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I like that tombstone inscription, RR!
I had thought you would nominate something like: "I TOLD her to get tested". (hee hee)

Thanks for the good wishes. We've had our moments, but I like to think we have--as I always say--EMBRACED them!
I would imagine there's not a single subject on which we do not disagree! But we at least agree to disagree. AND we both love animals.

I know that those of faith believe we die in our designated time-to-do-so, and not "too early" or "too late". But I, as someone caring for young innocents lost to leukemia and elders in torment, and their families as well, never bought THAT one for a single second. Or much else about faith. Alas. Missing the gene for it.
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My dear friend that is 93 this year told me, she has some age related memory issues, my dear friend don't ever get old. Uhhhmmm? Does that mean I should die young? She couldn't believe that she had said what she did. Of course, when someone says getting old isn't for sissies. I always reply, beats the alternative all out.

Alva, when our number is called, age doesn't matter. We lost our youngest daughter at 42 to a prescription drug interaction. Was she too young? We believe that it was her time. I believe the same for everyone, when it is our time, we go.

I pray that whatever is your lot, that you don't suffer and that you continue to have a good quality of life until it is over, however long that may be. You have the right attitude about cancer and that is the biggest part of the battle, imo.

Here lies Alva, smart a$$ to the end and she said, yup! Beats being a dumb a$$!! ;-)
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Neighbor Brad just huffing up the steps next door. Stopped. Looked at me. Grimaced and said "I don't recommend going much past 80". I told him too late, I had already hit 81. But I got what he meant!
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My brother in law said he wanted to live to 100. My father responded with “ I don’t want to live to be 100, I wouldn’t be able to stand being around myself anymore “.
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How I like to word it, Burnt is that I will be giving advice when I have been dead for six months!
Hee! Almost certainly! I love what you said! But I don't want sticking around for 100. Too chicken for that, by far.
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You are a tough old bird, Alva. I'm not worried at all for you. You'll be hanging in there and still giving sound no-nonsense advice around here when you're 100. God bless, my friend.
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Moondancer:
A huge fan, yes, of Final Exit.
Have had my VSED handbook for a WHILE now.
Am collecting tombstone epitaphs (despite choosing cremation) and know all the BEST ways.

Leave it to an RN! They all "go there" and often. hee hee.
Thank you for your best wishes.
Kaiser can get creative around their coding and get something past for coverage, don't fear, if they CHOOSE to.
Am not worried about the process. It is a simple working of the steps.
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I haven't been on the forum for very long but I always read and appreciate your posts. I am sorry to hear about your situation but so glad to read about your fighting spirit.
How much cooperation can you expect from your doctor fighting with Medicare? Will they support a prophylactic mastectomy?
https://www.helpadvisor.com/medicare/does-medicare-cover-mastectomy

Thank for fighting for the California End Of Life Options Act, I did too and it's a very important option.

For you and others you may not have the same options, please don't forget there is also another option to deal with end of life on your own terms. Final Exit Network-
https://finalexitnetwork.org/services/exit-guide-service-and-end-of-life-options/
I'm also not a believer and had a wonderful friend who always offered to talk to "The Big Guy" for me. I never said no and I'm still here so...
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Oh sweet Alva, I am so sorry this has happened. I hope you can get MC to cooperate with a mastectomy. I agree with what you said about a punch biopsy; those things sound terribly questionable.

Please keep us updated when you can. Love and hugs going your way.
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@Graygrammie, THANK you, but I am actually the epitome of a coward. To my own mind, anyway.

I left the house on my way to a test the other day, then turned and came back in the door and did this soliloquy (Shakespeare version) for my partner:
“A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once."
(Homer said it first--and shortest--but not sweetest).
Then I giggled (translate "I am scared to death"), closed the door, and marched forward.

I worry things to DEATH so that by the time I go through them they seem comparitively easy.
I'm the kind who is so anxious out in the world that I actually LOOK calm.
The proverbial rabbit frozen in the headlights.

I see humor in the human experience, and that gets me through. And being an old RN,
I've no fear of death. But I SURE do fear its preamble.
I've a very lucky life. Nothing to kick about!

I recall my beloved bro, who never told me he was afraid until the last days of his life, when he begged me to get him out of the hospital and home on hospice. NEVER. Always the "strong-big- brother-with "I am here and if I am here you are always safe".
But once he had to go for an ear surgery. And we were at Uni of California hospital, and as we sat quietly waiting, he turned to me, smiled, shrugged his shoulders and said "I am just a tiny bit concerned".
I burst out laughing and said "Translate: SCARED TO DEATH" and we got the giggles as so often we did in our lives. We were so alike. I can always hear my mom saying "What ARE you two GIGGLING about!!".

Being a coward I have long wondered at "heroes". Just pick one: let's say Sgt. York who took out those nests of machine guns? I always wonder what makes the hero act. Clearly there's no time to think it all out; they just act. For me, I think this thought would get into my head "Well, this is nasty; not many of us are walking away from THIS. Let's get this OVER WITH". And with that they just kind of run into the guns". A sort of suicide to, get it over with. And then, in the case of Sgt York, or some two or three at Gallipoli who survived it, they got hailed heroes--"brave".
I Just wonder. Always up in my attic of a head moving stuff around and wondering amidst the cobwebs. The mind is such a fascination. As is ALL OF LIFE. As is--even--illness. Not always a PLEASANT fascination, but a fascination none-the-less.
Oliver Sacks spent a lifetime fascinated by the impaired mind, ended convinced that they have a whole entire world-- just not OUR world.
Anyway.....................philosophical Sunday. And, for San Francisco, quite cold!
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Isn't it just like you to minimize your own situation and tell us to not worry.

Thank you for filling us in. You are a brave woman.
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If you like the no peer pressure maybe you will like this .

I had a neighbor in his upper 90’s .
Whenever I saw him outside we would talk alittle and he always said good bye the same way .

” Maybe we will speak again , maybe we won’t , at my age I don’t buy green bananas .”
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sjp, so good to see you again!
I love the no peer pressure thing!
I would say one of the most awful things about the big C is all the advice. Often think of that, of course, as I am ALWAYS GIVING ADVICE, hee hee.
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Hi Alva. I noticed your post under Discussion… how could I miss it, it’s all CAPS!!

You being a retired nurse, I always read what you had to say. I even learned some things at my age! I like your candor, your honesty, and your wisdom (not to forget humor). I would always look for your response because often there was nothing more to say. I’ve often thought before responding to a post, “What would Alva do?”. (Although we do disagree about “therapeutic fibbing”.). At 81 we’ve been around the block, and like you, I’ve expressed my wishes to my kids to the extent of writing my own obit!

So I’m sorry the big C has crept up on you again, and I admire your resolve and strength in not wanting to be a pin cushion. On behalf of all the others on this forum, please continue to offer your two cents because it’s worth more than gold.

In closing, When a 104 year old lady was asked what the best thing was about being 104, she replied, “No peer pressure”.

Best of luck, Alva.
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Alva,

Thinking of you today. Wishing you the very best as you continue to explore what to do next.
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@Midkid:
Can add your hollow-core bx story to my folder!

We don't yet know how much they spread cancer as no one does the studies on WOMEN. Go figure. They work well for the docs. They have done studies on men for prostate hollow core, and yes, they can spread cancer cells and right along the needle track as you said.

Worse, in a good number of women there is bruising, even hemorrhage of blood into breast, so all that tumor material (and this IS it, as it's the irregular feel, and etc) simply empties right into the breast. And from there, who knows to where.
To me it is counter-intuitive to do such a thing.

When I posited my theory, in response one doc said "Oh, the cancer doesn't spread because cancer cells like to 'stick together'".
I wanted to say I never heard anything so stupid from someone who graduated medical school but I have, so instead I said "Really? Gee! Funny how they end up trickling into brain, bone and lung, and lymph then, isn't it".
Happily that wasn't any doc here now making decisions on whether I die now or later, ha ha.

And I soooo agree on humor!
I swear I will die laughing, and I love those who MAKE ME LAUGH.
When I had my first biopsy my roommate Casey and my then-new-love, N. and other friends were at my house. Casey said "I'll drive to work (we were nurses same ward) and take you home". My friend Roger said "No, I have the car that day. I will get her". My new love, N. said "don't be silly; I am going with her and bringing her home".
And Roger piped in with "Oh, H---, We'll ALL drive and we will bring her home with the cars in a row, the headlights on, and driving slow".
Meaning of course, the proverbial funeral procession.
I thought I would laugh until I pee-ed, and that was 35 years ago when the bladder functioned so much better!
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So sorry to hear this Alva, and hope the insurance company will come through and do what's right. I hope you're here for a long time more. I never thought about punch needle biopsies spreading cells! Good thing I didn't know this as I had one done last year, but in my case they were pretty certain from imaging that it was a benign intraductal papilloma. Biopsy confirmed that was likely the case. I opted to have the small section of the duct with the papilloma removed altogether surgically since these occasionally become malignant, especially in older women (and I'm your age, 81). I had no prior breast cancer, no family history, but I wanted to be on the safe side. I can well understand why you'd want a mastectomy.
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I Am sorry you are facing this. I had first mastectomy in 04. I was Amazon til 09 when they found calcium spots again. My needle biopsy found no cancer yet but precancer. I had the mastectomy anyway as prophylactic. Told doc and insurance cheaper than next five years of quarterly scans:) they found 2.5!cm diffuse tumor in post surgery biopsy. Surgeon told me they were glad I decided to do surgery. It was cancer just not in needle biopsy spot. Push for what will make you feel better And worry less. We are all sending you thoughts of light and healing. My back did better afterwards yet with the rebalancer 😂
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81 is young in my family of ancient turtles. We say stuff like, "She was *only* 81..." :-)
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"Always remember what I always tell folks on AC. No one writes the obituary for an 81 year old and hears "Oh dear, died soooo young!!!""

It depends on the 81 year old Alva. Based on your posts and insights I think people might just say that 81 was way too young for you to go.
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Ah, Alva, so sorry to hear this. Hopefully you can get the insurance thing worked out. I'm glad you have he support of your family behind you, as that can make a big difference!
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I agree Alva thats why I would never get a bunch biopsy at the dermatologist if skin cancer is suspected.
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Very sorry to hear this. Wishing you to recover well!!!
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Alva,

Sorry to hear of this news . (((Hugs)))
Do it your way ! I’ve often thought how needle biopsy could spread disease.
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Sorry for the diagnosis Alva.
My GM had a breast removed at about your age. No radiation or chemo. She did great. You will too!
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