All my siblings live out of state. They rarely visit. When they do visit, they either write themselves a check (Sis who is the POA) for their travel expenses, or before they even make a date to visit, they complain about how their jobs are not doing well, they need a new roof, etc "hint-hint" implying that they need money from Parents in order to come for a visit.
I live nearby, and always On-Call 24/7 for them, to take care of household issues, doctor visits, sudden ice cream cravings, etc. But I am never paid, once in awhile for a longer car trip they have given me $5.00 bill "for gas money."
Dad has dementia now, but in talking with Mom about how "un-equal" this feels to me, she seems to understand, but says the out-of-town siblings would never visit if they weren't paid.
My spouse is sick and tired of this "un-equal" system, and has greatly reduced what he is doing (no more midnight plumbing fixes, mouse-trap emptying, etc).
Mom has noticed that spouse is doing less and less. I tried to say, we're sort of tired of how "un-equal" things are.
My point is, if the other kids are getting thousands of dollars once a year to visit (on THEIR schedule) I would like to be paid for all my "travel" expenses for when it is not even MY schedule, it's when my parents WANT me to do something, whatever THEY want.
I feel like I'm a slave to their whims, and the siblings are treated like Royalty!
P.s. my spouse says, we can't be paid because of possible Medicaid lookback; but if that is true, wouldn't my siblings already be in trouble?
Perhaps she does go off topic and raves - maybe she has a mental issue - who knows. But attacking her for making an innocuous comment is not going to do any good. Just because she made some weird comments before doesn't mean you attack all her comments. What's up with that? That makes no sense.
I have been on here many years.... and while I did feel bad for her and her issues... what ever those were.... we are not ok with being 'preached' to, many of us refer to God, HIgherpower, the Universe...... but we are NOT condemning each other with our words.....
We are very protective of our 'safe place' and when the boundaries are stomped on.... we respond...many of us are praying for Dusty and wishing her well.....
So with all that being said.... I do hope you continue to find a 'home' here.... things just got off to a bad start... no harm, no foul..... you are welcome here, and we hope to get to know you better.... I have some awesome friends here... and I'm sure they don't always like what I have to say, but if I am not putting others down or telling lies, they are going to let me learn what I need to learn.... so like I said, I hope you continue to be a part of this crazy, tired family....crazy in a good way !!!!
And yes, some of us went behind her and said to not pay any attention to her.... as she was running people off of the site..... she was confusing many and hurting some..... what would you have suggested we do??? This is a site for Caregivers, and God knows some of us are 'mentally ill'. LOL....and I reached out to her one-on-one and got no reply...... We are a caregiver site, we do not have the medical experiences to pull a bi-polar off the walls.... so enlighten us, tell us how you would have handled Dusty.... this being AFTER you back and read all she has written.....
I can not believe Dusty is STILL causing problems here.... pfttttt....
Now THAT makes sense!
It's clear Dusty has some sort of a problem. Whether it's alcohol related or not, who knows, but obviously there is an issue. I don't know the best way to handle it , but I don't think drawing attention to it by jumping on every little thing is the right way to go. Probably comment on her good comments, ignore her bad ones. Just like with kids - kids will go for negative attention if they can't get positive attention. If she's jumped on when she makes positive comments, she'll just make all negative ones.
I'm not the religious sort (sorry if I offend anyone with that), so all the praying or chanting or amen'ing that someone wants to do - well - good for them, but please, leave me out of it :)
I appreciate the welcome I've received here. I've always felt that I can come here after a bad day and vent, or ask for advice, or just post my experiences to try to help someone else out. My Mom isn't as bad off as a lot of others are right now (I've been caregiving for 3 years so far) but I know my day is coming. Even though I don't have a lot to do, it gets wearing just being with someone 24/7. Mom can't drive, can't cook anything more than an egg, needs a walker, can't stand more than 5 or 10 minutes without pain, and has mild cognitive decline which is really starting to show itself lately.
So how about we 'agree to disagree' on how it was done...... Just as Dusty had the right to have her say, so did I, and the others that participated..... to me, its over and done with..... and may I ask you a question... if you felt Dusty was being treated unfairly, why did you not speak up before and give us a different perspective..... just askin......
This past week I took my Mom and grandkids over to San Diego for a 6 day vacation. Just got back yesterday, which is when I started catching up on things. I had my laptop over there, but we were so busy that I had barely time to check my email. I might have looked at a couple of things briefly, but little more than that. That's why I didn't speak up before - I didn't notice before.
And really, ladee, all I'm concerned about is that we don't get a mob mentality, like you said. I'd hate to see that happen here. Because this place is, after all, supposed to be about caring and support. Thanks.