I have had years of being too tied to mom. I feel guilt bacause she is in bad place. But it was her doing. And she wont take suggestions. Wont accept help in the house. She complains about feeling pain, etc. Has the money to pay someone to help her. But is worried about brother being homeless after she dies. So she won't spend anymore than she has to. She insists he has to live in house when she dies. And will need lots of money for home and living expences. He has personality disorder and cant hold a job. He gets SSI. Been emotionally drained from mom several times over the past several years. Have to start concentrating on my own life more. She is 89 years old and uses a walker. Has several health problems. Brother lives with her. But doest help much. He is selfish and lazy. Most of my contact with mom is by phone. I only live anhour and a half away but. I go see her two to three times a year. I'm going to see her four times a year starting this year. Partly for her and partly to see when she gets so bad that I have to try to force help on her. She doesr want volunteer to help eighter. She has several reasons. And her being rigid, no one can influence her to do it.
Barbara
Whatever bond ther is between brother and me is practically non existant. Mom doest have quite a lot of money. But she isnt poor eighter. It's just that she uses her savings to live on. Her income is a small social security check.
I am going to get profesional to run trust when mom dies. Wish I could get guardian for brother and mom. They both have legal right to make their own decisions. They are not incompetent. Just not realistic.
Barbara
You most likely have been patient and " been there" for them both over the years. It's never as easy as it seems looking in from the outside.
Do what you feel that you can with the energy you have, find a good support group to help you set healthy boundaries and learn to separate your feeling of "daughter guilt" from your Mom's right to manage or mis- manage her life as she sees fit. The hardest job is that of the loving relative who has to stand by and watch because you can't do anything to help. My heartfelt apologies, for a curt response.
Best of luck to you. Your are in a tough spot.
Getting an uninterested party set up as Payee might be a good idea. It would take the pressure off a bit.