My grandfather deliberately pees on bathroom floor to get back at my mother and I.

grossedout1, I am glad to hear that you are moving out. How soon can that happen? Do your parents need any care?

My father is now 89 - he still pisses on the floor. Like a dog. Its not dementia despite his age. He elects do and has done so for at least the last 23 yrs that I know of. The first time I saw this was when he and my mom visited when my kids were small. My ex husband could be heard screaming from the bathroom - not only had he slipped in my fathers piss (kids bathroom no less) but he fell. My ex was mild mannered but cursed for 20 minutes and threw a mop at my dad and told him to clean it the EFF up. I mean - this is not a little piss. It was a horse sized puddle.

Here I am now taking care of him and he still pisses all over the can and floor except now he doesnt even bother to aim just a little - so long as he is in the general vicinity of the loo.

My mother has already had one stroke and she throws toilet paper on the guest floor bathroom where he pees. They still have company so they know it is filthy nasty to do - when company comes there is no piss on the floor. Its only slovenly enough for his family.

He also leaves the guest hall bathroom door open when he pisses. So I have sadly HEARD and seen my own father pissing on the floor as that bathroom is next to the kitchen. He has his own master bathroom but insists on shitting up both any and all bathrooms like a dog marking its territory.

One morning I walked upstairs and all he had on walking back to his bedroom (where there is a master bathroom) with nothing but t shirt on - and says HI to me like it wasnt anything.

He also comes downstairs where I stay in the basement without knocking before walking in. One day I was naked and dressing and he walks in saying I just have to print something off - I screamed DAD I AM NAKED - to which he said its okay I wont look. And proceeded to sit there at the computer desk printing out soduko puzzles for the next 20 minutes. No apology. No leaving the room. He has done this 3 times in one month.

The entire upstairs kitchen is filthy and I clean up after him over and over. He pulls food out - after NOT WASHING HIS HANDS AFTER PISSING ON THE FLOOR - butter, oil, fat, salad dressing all over the sink, handles, fridge door - crusty stuck on god knows what all over the damned place without any thanks or consideration for my cleaning up after his filth. He has always done this so its no special occasion. SURE I will move out soon - I cant and will not put up with this narcissistic pissing on family entitlement.

My mom takes the flat ware out of the dishwasher if I have not jumped on it straight away to empty it - and spills the flatware all over the drawer instead of into its easy to find sections. NOTHING NEW. She first did this when I was a teen and living home - she was pissed off and drunk as usual and decided to rebel. After countless attempts to straighten out the drawer - she continues to go back and turn the flatware bin upside down as if to piss on my efforts.

I am sick after 3 yrs of no illness after moving into my parents house to help out. I have a raging cold and two bouts of liquid trots. It is disgusting and there is no excuse for being disrespectful which is what this is.

Hint to caretakers with folks who pee all over...or leak. Clean with white vinegar. I use it in the laundry and have even filled a spray bottle so that I can spray the carpet or floor as needed.

Higgotwo...try a diaper type of thing...both Dad and MIL are "incontinent" They both use pads...very much like a kotex...but we have also used the diaper type when they were unable to get out of bed. It save on the stress of 'pee' all over. My guess is that he has some sort of dementia, or really angry about where he is. On MIL recliner ...she spend all ( and I mean all) her time there. she pees through the pad and rots out the chair! So I got some chux (they are tissues and back lined with plastic) It helps!! she actually changes the chux herself and also has a potty next to her to use. This she also keeps clean herself...why she can't gt to the bathroom is a good question but one that I don't worry about with the other things in place. Hint put a diaper genie near the commode...find them in the baby diaper section...it is a great find!! Very easy to use, and holds quite a lot of pads. controls odors and mess.

We have a patient at a facility where i work that pees on the floor EVERYTIME! She has dementia AND a frontal lobe brain tumor. She seems alert, but will simply scoot to the edge of the bed and relieve herself.... occasionally she will walk to the bathroon and pee on the floor there. Her room ALWAYS smells disgusting and because we have to walk thru it she has ruined the carpet in the hallway outside her door so the whole wing smells horrible... every shift mops... it does nothing to help the smell. I don't know if her medications make her urine so pungent or what. I believe she belongs in a nursing home facility where she should be cathederized (yes, against her will if necessary) because she is a health threat to all involved... caregivers, other residents, and her own self... one day she will slip in a puddle and break her hip..... then maybe they will insert a cathader! Nobody should be left to just go on in this way, there are solutions, people just need to implement them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found this link just now out of frustration with my dad doing this. At first we learned he was confused if he was dehydrated (he is recovering from some brain damage due to a high cholesterol drug). Then we took care of that. now he seems to do this when he is mad at us. Right now he is trying to tell us he needs more help. Then when we give him helpers he insists on women only and then enjoys the attention. We have a new helper living in. We told her yesterday to stop helping him so much. I knew that i was going to be woke with a puddle in the floor and in the bed. He seems to do this on purpose. He did it again today. I too work very hard and am not well due to taking care of him. He also would throw things on the floor with a 'i dont care attitude'. So annoying! He has three urinals by the bed. He urinates around them then says he couldnt get up in time. but he can use them laying down and he doesnt like doing that.

I used to think my Dad did things on purpose but then later I realized he did these things because he was impaired and got frustrated as a result. Whatever the real situation is with your GP it sounds like he is a danger to himself as well as others and should be placed in the right kind of home.

It could be that he is losing the cognitive abilities to sequence and problem solve the need to urinate in a socially appropriate manner. My mom lost the ability to use a call phone, which I did not think would happen, even though it had happened to my dad. I had wanted the speech or occupational therapist to teach Mom how to put her hearing aids in as I could set something up and get it working but it was almost never duplicated unless I came in and did it myself (if I had time to round up all the parts check batteries, etc.etc..!) and finally she did just tell me that Mom would not have the sequencing ability to manage all the steps invoved in that. Her not seeing the need for them - which frustrated me to no end, because our conversations were so much easier adn more pleasant when's she'd use aids - was more of a cover for not being able to manage something that she and I thought she could. That cell phone - it just didn't "work anymore"...

My mom was using "briefs" instead of regular underwear since before she even went into care, but always preferred to be taken to the toilet rather than use them. I'm always loathe to recommend them, espeically if its just a convenience to avoid having to help with toilet transfers - but there is a time and place when you just have to use appropriate incontinence products to give someone a little dignity (though they may not see it that way) and cleanliness.

hi jean they have given him a urinal bottle - and he was using this but now this has changed - do you think maybe his alzheimers has gone to the next stage now and that part of his brain is shutting down? without be too personal they have said that his private parts are very small and has trouble putting it into the urinal bottle - so not sure what to suggest to them

Would he accept and remember to use a plastic urinal bottle? He could stand up, use it where he is, and set it down for the every-two-hour folks to collect. This assumes he just doesn't want to/can't get as far as the bathroom, and he still can learn a new trick.

gee i thought it was only us these things happen to. my father in law lives in a nursing facility and also has moderate alzheimers - he has also severe incontinence - every time we visit him his floor always seems to be really wet in front of his chair he sits in - on trying to work it out i was just informed today that they have caught him standing up in front of his chair urinating - he has special pants on and has of late what we thought going to the toilet but now we get told this - it is really hard to believe because this is out if his character - does anyone have any suggestions on how to try stop him from urinating on floor - the nursing facility has put in place a 2 hour monitoring system where they take him to the toilet but of course bladders dont work from clocks - so if he dosent want to go when they say he wont go - we go when we need to - i dont know any other suggestion to give the facility to eliminate him urinating on the floor - can someone help with another suggestion ?

My mom started "deliberately" throwing trash on the floor - I mean I saw her do it with a bland expression like, well I guess I just throw it on the floor now" - which she would have never done in her own home. Turns out it was hard for her to see and reach the wastebasket. I got a taller one and it helped somewhat. What I am trying to say is though it looked deliberate and stupid and inconsiderate, the real problem is that her judgement has gone bad so that it did not occur to her to ask where the wastebasket was. And she reasoned that if she was not supposed to throw trash on the floor, somehow people would pop up and bring her the wastebasket every time she needed it.

I heard a lot of people say things like "she is still sharp" and "she knows what's going on" but an MMSE was certainly down a few points; not everyone realizes that in many kinds of dementia the person knows who they are and recognizes familiar people; the first problem is loss of judgement or reason, even before the loss of short-term memory becomes severe. Even at 90, a person with really normal cognition would have enough problem solving ability to try to get to the toilet and realize that you can't just pee on the floor CLOSE to the toilet because it seems convenient at the moment or even a reasonable way to express anger or discontent about his situation. You have gotten good advice and ideas, I'm just putting out one more idea - that he's not that sharp any more. The loss of reasoning ability does, sadly, mean that people may become unreasonable!

Ed said what I would say only better either have him placed or find another place to stay my lawyer said 60% of caregivers die before the ones they are caring for-that got my attention and helped me decide what I had to do to save myself.

In full agreement with edvierajr. He knows what he's talking about.

Sometimes they amuse themselves at our expense. It's cold and hateful but not to be tolerated.

I've been there too, but in different ways. They think they are clever, so don't be surprised if he finds antoher way to poke at you and your mom once you cure him of this.

TINY:

If he's not suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's, I'd make him an offer he can't refuse: either straighten up his act or be placed where that kind of piggish, brattish-yet-calculated behavior definitely won't be tolerated. The reason he keeps pushing your buttons is because he installed them, plus he doesn't believe there's anything you can do about it except pray to a Higher Power and put up with it. In other words, negative behaviors without consequences are apt to be repeated.

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, set up a psych appointment to make sure all his marbles are still there. If there's nothing wrong, flip the script on him. Now, if it's his (and your mother's) house, let her deal with him and start contemplating a place of your own so you don't burn out and do something stupid that will land you in jail.

Good luck my friend, and don't forget that it's okay to honk your own horn every once in a while. ... Unless you want to be treated like a doormat for the rest of your life. So respect yourself!

-- ED

awww poor man he wont be here long god is watching ask god for help he is old and cant think like he used to , or the pee does not go like it used to no stream . what he does it is not for meaness , i have a cup for my dad to use when he goes to pee and then he pours into the toliet , then i have in different bottles or plastic clear jars with his water or his drinks , that way they can see the drink and how much is in it , beside at that age they can get nervous and scared , poor old elderly people , forgive them for what they do , and ask god to help you with your anxiety and be patient with your father cause he has feelings too , they dont mean no harm , they just forget how to use things and they are not strong anymore and their bodies dont work like before and he might not see well, make things more easier for him , i have a portable toliet in his room for a night with a cup to use the pee and he pours it in there . forgive your father god has blessed him to be with yall for a while , enjoy your dad and make things esaier for him , then god will bless you with the rest , love him while you can , god bless you in all you do and say

At 90 years old in my VERY humble opinion it seems there could be some dementia happening here. With Alzheimer's or other dementias the behaviors you have mentioned happen quite often.

With regards to his bathroom habits, it seems there may not be enough contrast between the WHITE toilet, WHITE walls, and perhaps even white (or close to it LOL) floors!

Why not try putting a target for him to aim at? I recall my sister putting a decal in the toilet bowel when she was potty training her boys. I know your father is not a child, but his 'AIM" is off, so this may help.

A family meeting is DEFINITELY needed. His daughters need to be aware of what is going on, and what it takes to care for him and his wife. I honestly don't think that you should expect much from them, but it is always a good idea to ASK! (the sooner the better).

I will say that if you don't think that dementia is playing a part in this equation, PLEASE have him evaluated by a geriatric doctor. So many times our elders are able to appear 'with it' when in fact their mental capacities are diminishing.

So often I heard from my brother: "Mom is just being a crabby old person, or is NOT co-operating with me" when in fact she was unable to understand just what to do on her own!! She also set a fire in his kitchen when the stove would not 'start'. She must have thought it was her 'old coal stove' and used some paper and (yes) matches to start a new fire!!! Thank GOD someone was just outside and ran in to put out the fire!!

After that my brother(s) began to read the information I gave them on Alzheimer's and dementia and how it affects their abilities.

http://www.alzheimer.guelph.org/downloads/12%20pt%20Understanding%20the%20Dementia%20Experience.pdf

The link above will give you a crash course in Alzhemer's and also the resources on this website, and other good books on the subject will help you and your grandmother in dealing with the daily challenges of caring for our elders!

Be creative, be calm and be proactive!

Thank you for response. I will try the absorbez. I've been trying to think of something to stand out to him when he does that (honestly somthing that would turn the floor blue for him to see how obnoxious he is). We did finally get him to flush the toilet after his BM's, but all of this is wearing my nerves thin not to mention my own health.

What's worse is that he has two grown daughter's who do not come by to check on him, say hello or take him out to spend time with him because he is their father. I actually moved from another state to "keep an eye on him" since he lived alone and I was traveling at the time.

I cannot do this alone anymore and think I will set up a family meeting for the daughter's to get involved because they do not know first hand what it's like day to day with him. For a 90 year old man, he is still very sharp, but has the same issues as our other elderly parents. He forgets and leaves the water running, leaves the tea kettle on and I cannot tell you how many times I have cleaned exploded eggs off of the ceiling from his boiled he forgot to turn off. Just the other day he set a fire on the stove that he did not smell and he was in the kitchen!

I do thank you for your suggestion and will give it a try. What may be an insane that to say is that I can forgive hIs other problems, that comes with the territory, but I cannot deal with the childish and deviant behavior.

no kidding?
How rude can a man be?
Is he using it to control you? How awful!
I found a product when my late dog had a weeping tumour & wasn't always able to make it out side.

Absorbez - or some silly name. Said to contain 4 cups of liquid in a single sheet, a pet product cheap at Costco.
Layer those on your powder room floor & see how he feels pissing off his mark.
Then have him gather his pissy "missed aimed" mess up & dispose of them since you shouldn't.

Not good ... another nightmare of eldercare!