I need some advice! My mom has lived with my husband and myself for the last 2 1/2 years. We both agreed to have her come live with us since she was so unhappy in the nursing home. How to I tell her I don't want her to live with us anymore? It would mean a nursing home for her and that would probably just about kill her. She DID NOT adjust well the last time she was in a nursing home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
The consequences could be devastating. You must be realistic, and although you WANT to care for her...........It could end VERY badly.
PLEASE think it through.
I am 62 and feeling it. I do have lots of help, but she is getting to the point that she needs more care than I can give her. As soon as we sell our house, we are going to move her with us. Probably within 1 year, she will be in a NH. We don't want to uproot her more than we have to, so we are waiting until we move. Just pray we sell our house. That 55 and over community is calling me!!!!!!
She gets very good care, do you not have good NH's where your at?
I'm not being mean, but I do know that it takes it's toll on caregivers, still being in a NH does not get rid of the concern but they are trained to do their job and I feel relieved that she can't hurt herself there.
I go see her every other day and I'm trying to take a bit better care of myself.
After years of Mom care, I lost friends and even my sisters, as they stayed away from us.
NH's don't solve everything but at least I can sleep through the night.God bless you and take care.
We all know how you feel. Is there a way that you can get away for a while? Respite care is great and many states have programs where your relative can go for an extended week. Even if you don;t go anywhere, tell her you are. Then you can relax at home. recharge and rethink your situation. It is getting very close to the time that my mom can't stay with us. After 4 years, she is starting to not listen and do some really dumb things. She has been walking around with her disposable underwear around her knees if I don't
respond quick enough to her call for help. I am not jumping to her commands and she has been warned. If she breaks a hip , she is gone. You will know when it is time to change your situation. When you know, don't ignore your thoughts. We all can't do this for very long. Good luck and look for a way to get that break you need.
Linda
Someone is coming to look at the house, dropped the price. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!!!!
Linda
"Guilt is a worthless emotion. If you plan to do something about whatever it is you are feeling guilty about, there is no need for guilt. If you are not going to do anything about whatever is causing you guilt, why would you bother to waste energy on feeling guilty for something you have no intention of changing?" Aside from my personal perspective on guilt, please talk to a trusted, supportive and objective professional about your feelings (clergy, social worker, mental health counselor, etc). My prayers are with you.
I'm so glad you found us. Welcome! I hope this is a place where you feel safe. You fit right in! So, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us today.
Hmmmmm. Guilt. You'll probably read about it here often. I think the better terminology may be, "false guilt." If he is touching you inappropriately, then I certainly wouldn't be driving him! Is this something new, and why not think about stopping him... When we are victimized, it produces a strange mixture of emotional confusion and challenges.
What you are experiencing is a natural reaction to your situation. I suggest you explore wise counsel, and some distance from this awful sin! Develop a new set of boundaries, and stop letting your dad violate them. I'll be praying for you, asking God to help you with them. You already know in your heart that the problem lies with him, so trust your God-given instincts, and get help for dealing with them. Bless you.
Please keep posting, so we know how things are going with you. I'm so glad you found this site. I pray it helps you move past the place where you are, and find the strength to confront this problem, and find safety from him!
Shortenend version...
Thank you all for your support which really helped my yesterday.
Went to the library to get a timely interloan library book...
I want to share it with you so it may help you (and 2 others):
Respecting Your Limits When Caring for Aging Parents by Vivian E. Greenberg
When you and Your Mother Can't be Friends by Victoria Secunda
and
Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent by Grace Lebow & Barbara Kane
God Bless you all ...
and, I plan to stay in touch with you.
Love... aka
Lynn "A"
As much as I love my folks, and they don't have any mental issues, I sure wouldn't want them living with me, and visa versa. So saying you don't want your hateful mother living with you, isn't unnatural or anything to feel guilty about I would think. Sometimes guilt is self-induced. Give yourself a break.