I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
One working from home lady has arranged respite (ie hiding from her DH) at her sister's place 2 days a week.
Do you have a garage that could become a newly converted study? Look how comfortable it is out here, with the coffee machine, a nice chair, your laptop... Me House - You Garage 😉
I don't know who has it worse, .. folks with their kids home to home school now, or folks like you . with a spouse who usually isn't there, .. there now . all day every day.
This whole thing beats anything I've ever seen. It's all pretty frightening.
I've been 'quarantined' for 9 months so a few more weeks won't matter---
But to add insult to injury--we got awakened by a 5.7 earthquake epicenter is about 30 miles away. Shook the whole house with a stomach dropping sensation, and 5.7 is not that big.
Aftershocks all day long have kept me in a state of semi-panic--sort of. It's just such a pit-of-the-stomach sickness when an earthquake rolls in. Hoping it's over--it's been 25 years since we had one that rocked our world like this.
Wow--my poor out-of-state kids were calling all day to check on us. We're fine but some folks out by the center of the quake--it's a mess.
Had to get a blood draw this am and the hospital was very calm and efficient. I asked how bad it had been, and one of the nurses said "If people would just CALM DOWN"....she said being hysterical is absolutely no good. BTW, they wiped down my hands when I walked into the hospital, after my blood draw and then I sanitized them in the car. I'm going to dry up and blow away! Anybody else feel like that!?
Supplies stripped & no deliveries here either, so greater numbers of people are tramping through greater numbers of supermarkets to get their stuff... sigh. Washing powder is the latest 'panic buy' item here.
There is the new 'community time' shopping from 7-8am for elderly & disabled but my parents + sis have already expressed their opinion that that time is not convenient to them. Fine. Suit yourselves & go when you like. May be less stuff & more crowds though.
Like you with your Dad & StepMom, I plan to do driveby deliveries if required. I won't let them starve... home brand bread, long-life milk, whatever brand tin tomatoes etc, whatever is available.
This is not the time for inflexability - being unable to accept non-preferred food brands, generic medications or going shopping at 7:30am instead of 9:30am.
Yes, it's all necessary . .the shut down .. on board that it has to be done ..
But all the small businesses that are going to go under through this whole thing is just going to be staggering.
And on another note, .. I've seen on the news that some NH's are allowing that folks come .. and sit outside the window of their LO .. if they wish to do so . .and they can talk via phone if the LO is able to do so.
I kinda wish, for MIL's sake that was a possibility at the NH where she resides, it is not. It's been asked .. by SIL ... and the answer was no .. that it would cause too much upheaval .. and I get it, .. yes .. there are too many there that are addled and confused and .. would be too off putting to so many there.
I feel so bad for the elderly that are bewildered by all this .. and yet have no one that can come and visit and allay their fears and concerns.
I know we'd gotten an email from the NH . and as of right now .. and for the foreseeable future, . no visitors, at all .. and all activities have ceased .. so as to honor that all important social distancing requirement, . dining room closed, meals being brought to each room/resident .. even PT .. at this point in time, is not continuing in the PT room, but rather bedside, per patient/resident .. so as to keep that social distancing thing in place.
I checked with my dad a few days back to make sure all had a lid on it on their end, and they were doing okay. I called again this morning to check, but they were still in bed asleep ...
My point in doing so .. not that I'll go in and visit with them . but if they need something, I'm able to go get it, and leave at their doorstep . to keep them from having to go out and into stores .. if need be.
And delivery .. that's out of the question these days . as most of those services are now working 3 and 4 days out, locally. No longer can one order things .. as to groceries, pharmacies (not here anyway) . and expect to see the delivery within a few hours .. not happening that way here. They're all backed up . and so . .if one does so, they are notified it will take 3 or 4 days ..
As for me, .. I have somehow developed a nasty cold .. (no, I don't have a fever, sore throat, muscle aches .. not yet) .. and so .. hunkering down myself, to try to rest, fluids . and hope/pray it doesn't take a turn that I now need to go get tested for Corona virus.
Kind of sad that the parks are closed. Our zoo is closed.
I feel for working parents caught in all this mess. Expected to show up at work but no coverage for kiddos now out of school.
As for me, I'm trying to keep in mind how I can help DD this week. Herself caught up, cooped up with 3 kids ... nowhere to go.
Yes I can give her some relief by taking 1 or all here for a day here & there. Boredom though. TV ... even watching kid movies .. yawn ho hum after a while.
The 6 yo, yea give her some markers and glue and pasta and paper plates to make some crafty stuff. 2 yo's not so much.
There is a nature walk near the river .. all out doors ... maybe I could chance that and a picnic and hope 200 others didnt have the same plan.
Even our city/state parks are closed.
Plus, he has offered to grocery shop and cook! That’s kind of nice too. I can’t wait for all of this to clear up though, so we can feel normal again.
.
I have always had .. there are a few things that I get nutz about running out of, and as such, stock pile to not run out of.
TP
Paper towels
Garbage bags
Those few things are the *must haves* around here. How does one run a HH at all, absent those items? Seriously?
So I get a text from DD the other day marking just how much I've always been poked fun at for *hoarding* TP .. and can she have a few rolls . the stores are out.
Hahahaha.
For the life of me I can't figure out why there's been a run on TP .. at all the stores, for what is clearly respiratory .. so .. why TP? I don't know, unless it's that it's thought we are all gonna go under mandatory lockdown and no going to the stores for anything at all. Who knows.
As the FB meme noted earlier today:
"wait til we have a run on a pandemic of an *intestinal* nature . all the nose spray will be gone from the store shelves, go figure".
As to MIL . much to my surprise, she is weathering this shut down of the NH (for now) rather well. Maybe that's because it's all new, who knows. But as she put it in talking with DH (and doing okay and no sad malaise at play) her words: "I think I'm in the safest place I can possibly be".
All the breakfast cereal is gone too. And I heard PJs are acceptable daywear now.
Is this life now? Home in your PJs eating cereal for dinner?
Long time no see. You all have been on my mind. Especially those that I know are in New York, Washington State, California and you Dorker in Florida.
I have been keeping up with Dorker but sometimes I may be several days behind.
I thought the toilet paper thing was just a crazy local thing 🙄. I am kinda relieved to know toilet paper is a world wide thing 😳
The last time, my hubby was teasing me about my fading memory and just where we were gonna store three cases of wipes...
Guess I get some satisfaction. After all - if we completely run out of toilet paper - we’ve got 27 packs of wipes!
I made a panic run to the grocery store on Friday - I tried to fight it but it got the better of me. Since it was a “panic” run, I hadn’t thought it thru or made a list... I now have roughly 30 cans of soup in my cupboard. Don’t even get me started on how dumb that is... Rainman doesn’t do soup well. At least, about half the soups are of the “chunky” variety so if Armageddon hits I can drain off the liquid and call it stew!
But back to toilet paper. WTF?!! My store has about a 200’ isle of TP - well, they HAD - not a square to be found. No paper towels. No dried pasta. No russet potatoes. The only pasta sauces left were of the $8 a jar variety. Guess who has three jars of fancy pasta sauce to go with the 27 packs of baby wipes?
Yep. The virus is contagious. But it seems stupid is too!
https://medium.com/@ariadnelabs/social-distancing-this-is-not-a-snow-day-ac21d7fa78b4
Trying to get a better feel for it myself and my doings and comings and goings and just how careful to be.
I am bummed 🙁. My daughter’s graduation ceremony is canceled. She is disappointed. So are we. The university (LSU) is only holding online classes for the remainder of the year. She will have her diploma mailed to her.
Oh, I know it’s a safety issue but it’s a let down not to see her in her cap and gown. Know what I mean? Oh well...
My husband’s company instructed all of the employees to work from home. We only have about 36 reported cases here in Louisiana but they say it’s expected to rise. Stores are selling out of everything here. Reminds me of what happens during our hurricane season.
The mayor said all public schools will be closed for 30 days. St. Patty day parades are canceled.
I suspect our upcoming festivals will be canceled as well. New Orleans relies on tourism so the city is going to feel a major hit not having French Quarter of Jazz Fest. I am hoping they can be rescheduled.
Glad Mardi Gras went along without a hitch concerning the virus, although sadly, we had a couple of deaths due to parade goers being killed by floats. The drivers can’t stop suddenly and there are large crowds, drinking and pushing, it is horrible to hear of deaths happening during a time that is enjoyable for many here along with the tourists.
So...that’s what going on in our neck of the woods.
Here locally they announced closure of schools until the end of March .. and possibly beyond (remains to be determined). The libraries are closed, . all venues as to large gatherings for events .. closed. City/state parks closed, local zoo.
I take my grandkids, . to libraries, parks and other sites .. for entertainment on occasion. Yesterday being a good for instance, had the 6 yo at an open gym kinda thing designed specifically for kids and play. I did "hesitate" momentarily and ponder, should I be doing that, should we all hunker down in the safety of our homes .. is it safe to be going to these public places?
I didn't have an answer, I went. Interestingly enough, there weren't many others there to do the same.
Had wanted to just run out last night .. grab a bite of dinner out, .. (didn't do so for other reasons) but that too, I pondered, is it safe .. should we just stay home?
Obviously it's prudent to not gather in mass groups for events like concerts, and sporting events . where folks are packed in by the thousands .. elbow to elbow. I get all that.
But where does one draw the line? Does one now not go to privately owned entertainment sites .. such as I take the kiddos to? Does one not go out to dinner?
It has all caused me to stop a moment, and think.
Yesterday with the cancellation of school for the foreseeable future .. DD had mentioned a place we'd taken the kids before, . for a wknd of fun. Think a hotel that also has an enormous water park associated, . and so one stays on site .. and just goes to the water park for entertainment, . or the on site restaurant to eat, . and/or .. then goes back to their room. She mentioned that yesterday as a means of *I'm gonna have to come up with SOMETHING TO DO HERE ... these kids will be bonkers .. being cooped up for weeks*.
Sounded like a splendid idea to me. Yea, let's do it.
Then I remembered .. hmmm .. should we be going to a site like that, .. this virus running rampant?
I don't have the answers.