Hi,
My mother is 70 year old. Over last 5 years we have noticed strange decline in her ability to listen to what we are saying. There is no problem with her hearing. She hears correctly but will answer to some other question which was never asked. She does that only when she makes a mistake and when defending herself, will give a different answer altogether. Also, she sleeps a lot. 4-5 hrs daily in the day. She talks a lot to herself. Keeps on repeating things at times. There are certain habits of her which we want her to change. She will listen to us and tell us she wont do it again but right after 30 minutes, she will be doing the same thing again. I do not know if this is a problem on her side or on our side in handling the situation. I need some advice on how to go about it. If we need some medical assistance, who do we approach? What kind of doctor or therapist?
Thanks.
The doctor took my mom's organicity test which lasted for 3 hours. I made sure I was part of that test because I wanted to know what will they ask her. And I was surprised that the test was not tailored for her age or her level of education. Lot of questions were mathematical. Some involved jig saw puzzles, drawing, memory tests. She passed majority of simple questions questions but couldnt do more complex problems. Then there were other questions like what is country population or why we give income tax. I dont know how do such questions help in diagnosing her problems. In India, majority of people in her age wont have clue to such questions. I felt like the doctor was cut-off from the reality and was just going by his theoretical knowledge.
Anyways, after 3 hours of test, the report I got said - she scored 24 and the cut-off point of organicity is 20 so she kind of passed. And below that it just said - She was unable to answer simple questions or solve complex problems. That really made me furious.
We also got her brain MRI done and found some sort of blockage in couple of vessels. Her medication for that has started. The neurologist who saw her suspects dementia and wants ACER test done. That test will be done today.
In all of this, I kept wondering - does it takes all of single test to diagnose dementia? Shouldnt there be more tests and shouldn't be tests be tailored on how the individual has spend her life?
As for other things, her finances r in order. I am not worried about that all.
Out of all this, we found out one thing for sure - her self esteem is very low because of which she now asks us a lot before she has to do something. We have trying out best to let her know that she can take most of her decisions by herself and there is no need to ask us. She is free to do anything not fearing the outcome. I would appreciate some advice on how I can do more to bring her self esteem up.
I also need some inputs on what all kinds of tests are there to diagnose such symptoms. I am not trying to second guess but I also want to educate myself as much as possible.
This group has been very helpful and comforting. Last few weeks have been very difficult for me, especially to see my mother going through those tests, trying to solve puzzles and think of answers. It broke my heart many times but I knew I had to be strong and keep going. There is no other way. It will take some for me to detach myself from this emotionally so that it doesn't bothers me this much and I start taking it as part of life.
She does not understand the power of positive thinking.
As our parents age, many know that they are not the same as they used to be and can't do the things they used to do, and that deeply hurts and scares them.
So a lot of your Mom's behaviors can be caused by fear, unhappiness with how they feel, and maybe embarrassed that others have to help them. As others have suggested, have your Mom see a Geriatric Specialist is the first thing you need to do. Make sure her finances are in order, I suggest an Eldercare attorney to set up a trust with her assets but not in her name. Maybe the kid's names. You need to do this while she is still competent to make decisions. If you have the trust for a long enough time, Medicare/Medicaid can't take away her assets. Each state law is different. Instead of your Mom changing her habits,unless they are dangerous, you may need to react in a different way. It is this change in our parents that is so hard to accept, but it is necessary for our health. I know, I get so mad at Mom every time I talk to her, but I can't let it bother me.
Belonging to this group is so comforting, just knowing that others are going through the same or similar situations and hearing how they deal with it. Good Visit the Alzheimers Assn. website, www.alz.org -for lots of helpful tips and information. Good luck to you.
She says she won't clean the utensils but then she does it. Has she perhaps forgetten that you discussed this and she agreed to leave it for the maid? Are there other examples that might reflect a memory problem?
Is she being passive-aggressive? Tell them yes but do no?
Is this a power struggle? She'll show you that you can't tell her what to do?
My bet is on failing memory, but consider all possibilities.
About this particular example ... does she do the cleaning well enough that you could simply allow her to do it, and skip the utensils maid? Or, if she doesn't do such a good job, is there any harm in letting her do it and having the maid to it over? Why has this gotten to be an issue?
There are many aspects to memory loss. For example, in my husband's case he has the most trouble with taking the information in -- with "attending" to the message. It isn't that he isn't paying attention in the usual sense ... he is not ignoring me or reading the paper or watching tv while I'm trying to tell him something, it is that the receptors in his brain are just not working in a way that the message will be retrievable later. This is part of his dementia. In other ways his memory is better than mine! Sometimes he reminds me of things and I say, "Hey, which one of us has dementia, anyway?!" Not all kinds of dementia have the same kinds or degree of memory loss.
People in early stage dementia can often go for walks, cook, read, and remember at least some kinds of things. I'm not saying Mom has dementia, but that it is a possibility, in spite of her general competency.
Sometimes my husband appears to be answering a different question than was asked. If I'm patient and willing to play detective I can almost always connect the dots from what was asked to what that reminded him of to what he answered. There is a link ... it is just hidden!
I hope you find a good doctor and that starts the process of explaining some of her behavior.
Meanwhile, don't sweat the small stuff. Try not to fret over things that don't really matter.