Today I had my first appointment with an actual therapist (not a counselor).
Even though one hour wasn't long enough to spew out everything I need to talk about, this woman completely picked up on 2 truly major points.
1) Even ONE of the stressors I have been dealing with over the last year is more than enough to warrant therapy!
2) I have been the "caregiver " for everyone in my family since I was 12 years old!
She asked me what I do for myself?
I had absolutely no answer!!
Hence therapy!! Lol
Caring for a narcissistic LO is a labor of love!
Not because they will love us back, but because we need to love ourselves!!
How do you keep caring selflessly for your selfish LO?
What do you do for yourself?
(((Hugs)))
I don't like "baby" talk unless it's coming from a "baby!"
I would welcome Italian cookies! Love cappuccino too!
My daughter has found two restaurants in Denver that the chefs are transplants from New Orleans!
She is loving the snow! She says she is getting used to driving in it.
She is having so much fun with her new dog (Siberian Husky) that she rescued.
I love all of the photos that she is sending. I put one as my avatar. He’s my sweet new grand puppy!
I am looking forward to meeting her pooch one day, after hubby’s treatments are over and it becomes safer to travel.
The former owners surrendered the dog because he chased a rabbit and ate it.
He got sick, throwing up and diarrhea. The shelter gave him meds and he’s fine now.
They said they didn’t want to pay the vet bills. Maybe they lost their jobs during Covid, who knows? My daughter couldn’t go inside the shelter due to Covid. She saw him on a Zoom meeting.
Then she drove to pick him up. They walked him out to her car.
Even if hubby didn’t have cancer, we wouldn’t travel during Covid. She says the cases have risen there.
We go to one restaurant here that's owned by a New Orleans transplant.....its called NoNos Cafe. In fact, we had our engagement party there in 2008.
NobodyGetsIt.....yeah, cutesy wootesy baby talk my mother uses because she thinks it makes her look cute. She calls my son by a baby name at 35 and it's nauseating to me.
Our Covid cases have risen here, yes, but our moronic governor is going overboard with fear tactics, as usual. He had it, and so did his boyfriend who was hospitalized, but Polis was fine. COLO is #20 in the US at 300k cases since last March, yet Polis tells us 1 in 60 have it, which is obviously not true! We are not traveling either, but the fear mongering is getting to be too much for most of us.
It's almost 11 PM, and he's worried because Mom didn't answer her phone!
I'm so sorry, but WTF am I supposed to do about it at this point in the night??
There just aren't enough words!🤬🤬🤬
Did your mom start talking that way when she got dementia or as she hit her 70's - how embarrassing for your 35-year old son! I really feel for ya - smh because it boggles my mind that there are really people like that!
We are on our way over there now for a window visit; it's very cold and windy outside & I am bundling up like crazy. God give me strength.
Wishing you and your DH godspeed as you head over to do a "window visit" - being that it's very cold and windy, hopefully you can cut the visit short.
Wow! her entire life - there are no words - I know you have some "choice" words though!!!
Good luck -
I'll be 60 in a couple of years and both parents are still living. The house is, basically, a nursing home. They are served 24/7. What you'll get from a narcissist is nothing. They are unable to give anything emotionally. They're not wired that way. Hypersensitive to criticism, never wrong, gaslighting you, criticizing you...the list is endless. What I've found is that all the compassion, empathy and caring we need has to come from ourselves. Their needs are so great, so constant, so all encompassing there is nothing left over for you.
Congratulations that you are going to a therapist!! That's a fantastic positive step in taking care of YOU. Sometimes you just need to vent and be validated for your feelings. I wish you well and hope that your journey to loving yourself is smooth and swift. You deserve it.
Exhaustedone,
You hit the nail right on the head!
Welcome to the club! A club that we all wish we were not in, but we are!
Stop trying to please and/help your mom! She doesn't REALLT wants the help!! She just want you jumping from one foot to the other while you are jumping through loops!!!
I have learned so much about this in the last week or two; however, I figured out years ago that my own mother was making me do the same thing. She would make me feel guilty for not helping her, but when I tried to help or ask her what she wanted help she would tell me "oh, I'm fine!" Or "I can do it by myself!" Then turn right around and make me feel guilty! I just stopped! If she really needs help then I'll help her, but if she doesn't ask for help I sure don't bother in offering to help!
Someone told me this is the game that narcissistic mothers love to play, so stop playing. Read the posts on this thread. That is what I did and there were SO MANY similarities stories that I had to face the fact that my mother was a NM!
There are some very wise and knowledgeable people on this subject that can help you!
Lealonnie1 has posted I think it is on this thread or its in "I heard my mother talking behind my back" thread 25 signs of Narcissistic.
Your not alone! There really is to many of us with dysfunctional mothers!
Hugs!!!
https://lifelessons.co/personal-development/covertpassiveaggressivenarcissist/#3
You're truly not alone!!!
There are many of us here caring for narcissistic parents!!
I recommend the book "Will I Ever be Good Enough ", by Karyl McBride! You can find it on Amazon.
Since I have discovered the truth about why my mother is the way she is, and how it's affected who I am, it's kinda led me down a rabbit hole! It's very painful at times, but it's the path to healing!
I want to believe that we can still care for someone who treats us badly. I have been doing tons of research!! Reading, YouTube and therapy.
Learn all you can! Set boundaries and work hard (and it is hard) to stick to it!!
We're all here for you!
Merry Christmas!!
Would do you think her comeback would have been?
I learned early on how not to get manipulated. Fortunately, my mother never resorted to that sort of behavior.
I totally agree on adopting the tone that professional caregivers use.
You are no longer a 12 year old arguing with mommy. You are the adult in the room.
I think it's validation for so many of us!! You're all AMAZING!!
Tomorrow is the day I have been dreading for weeks!!
I am bringing Mom from ALF to stay for 2 days so she can see my daughter and her 2 daughters.
Although my daughter is not happy about seeing her Nana while she's here visiting, she understands.
Praying that God will put a lock on my tongue and a hedge of protection around my heart!
I hope you will enjoy your time with your daughter and grandkids.