Mom with pneumonia, diabetes and coronary artery disease. Husband with early onset Alzheizmer's. I am so very tired, physically and emotionally. Stress is causing my diabetes to be out of control. I am under my doctor's care. We are currently trying to make the decision whether or not for Mom to have a quadruple bypass operation, or to let her live our her life with Congestive Heart Failure. She is 83. Her doctors have left the decision up to us (Mom, me and my siblings). She still has a sharp mind but at her age and with the diabetes not under control, I don't think surgery is the right answer for her. Any experiences or thoughts on this subject for me?
I think these are common thoughts and feelings shared by a lot of caregivers in similar circumstances. The struggles we deal with, the sanity lost, the way it wears us down, amplifies depression and constantly tests our resolve to keep things together.
I wouldn't judge anyone who would see their loved ones passing as a mixed blessing. My own viewpoint is that I want my father to live as long as he's able to, happily. But I wouldn't lie to myself or anyone that I haven't thought things like how less stressful it would be or how I could get back to my life instead of the sacrifice I made that none of my other family members understand or are willing to accept the burden.
So for us caregivers, I empathize. It doesn't mean we're incapable of being an adequate caregiver because we have those feelings, it just makes us human. And the best way to deal with them is to be constructive and honest with ourselves about the situation we've been thrust in. I love my father with all of my heart. I fight the thoughts for him and for myself and my daughter.
Jonathan
I hate to admit this but I was suicidal for months because of dealing with so much (as well all are) and living with someone who is slowly dying. With help from family I have come out of it knowing:
1st: You deserve as much love and care as you are giving.
2nd: You have to be healthy to truly be of help to others.
3rd: Let go & Let God (if you believe) or Let go; you are not in control of your mom's or your husband's journeys. (whether you believe in a higher being or not)
4th: You are in control of your own journey.
People who are used to giving all of their lives (like ourselves) can easily loose their identities. Don't loose yours. Find yourself again and find the joy of being you in a world with so much to give.
I researched this and found many cases of elderly people with normal faculties becoming mentally incompetent after surgery. Even with a spinal and/or local anesthetics, such serious surgery is a huge risk for someone your mother's age.
And, speaking of risk, it seems from what you say that you aren't physically or mentally able to be anyone's caregiver. Sorry to be so blunt, but are you waiting for a coma to rescue you from these circumstances?
Sending prayers for resolutions to your problems, all parties blessed.