My 93 year old mother has been living with us for almost four years. I am an only child and we have always been the best of friends. I am 71 years old and my mother can't realize that I am not a kid anymore. My knees have been steadily getting worse and quite a bother. Of course that hasn't stopped her from expecting me to keep up with the housework, laundry, cooking, yardwork and taking care of her. I have a very supportive husband but he is not in the best of health. He just got out of the hospital a week ago. He has copd, uses oxygen and a nebulator. He can't do too much. My mother is getting better now but for several months we had to visit a doctor of some at least once a week. Now I have decided with the dr's advice to have complete knee replacement on one knee. I approached my mother today about going to an assisted living facility during my recovery.
Find a good setting for her while you recuperate. Many care centers of all types do offer short-term stays for respite situations.
Your notion that you need to do things with your husband now and not put them off is spot-on. One way to make this possible is to permanently place your mother in a care center. Another is use the short-term respite option as often as you need it.
Also, I certainly hope that you have a housecleaning service or individual. If you don't now, please consider it for your recuperation period -- laundry too, if that is down a flight of stairs and difficult for you for a while.
It is so wonderful that you have been able to give your mother four years of at-home living, beyond the point where she could have lived alone. Feel proud of that. I think that now you need to consider your husband's needs, and your need to do things together.
Best wishes to you.