I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
I will let you know when I rent mine.
Anytime now.
Has even death become a temporary thing? What next?
He had an issue with swallowing for some reason. Can't remember but its a known thing - stress related which made sense at the time.
Anyway, my Dad is well overweight. It would have been months before was malnourished. He could eat but, of course, eating meat was difficult to chew.
GP had told him about 5 times he was fine but he was convinced.
So one day:-
DAD: "I think I'm getting weaker and weaker because I'm not eating"
ME: "Dad you're fine - the GP said so"
DAD: "But I'm not eating any meat, so I'm not getting the goodness and vitamins and its slowly weakening me"
ME: <trying to stop laughing but can't> "Dad its not often you see vegetarians keel over in the street these days!"
Yes, example of my Dads stubborness and refusal to listen to anyone but very funny at the time.
But after you'd just told all the firemen about it I think you got off pretty lightly with the thermometer. She might've put it somewhere else 😳
A few years later, after a romantic interlude I got up from bed. On the way to the bathroom I fell flat on my face. I immediately knew that I had a stroke and that I might be dying. That didn't trigger thoughts of my wife and family. Instead, I couldn’t wait to tell all the other old guys that I had just died the best way there was.
My wife called 911 and the room seemed filled with firemen and paramedics. By that time I was feeling funny. I don’t mean that I was feeling unusual, I mean that I suddenly got a sense of humor.
One of the firemen standing over me looked like he was trying to figure out what to do next. At that time I came up with something incredibly stupid, that I seemed to think was funny. I told the firemen who looked like he was lost, “She did it!” I realize now that if I would have died at that time my wife was in a world of hurt. Fortunately, the lost firemen seemed equally perplexed by my dying declaration and possibly not wanting to get involved in a legal matter decided he had heard nothing and just walked away.
I was in the hospital emergency room surrounded by my family and a nurse. I could hear that in the next cubicle was some of the guy who was there for his own emergency. The nurse then reached beyond the curtain into his room and wheels one of those thermometers and announces that she has to take my temperature.
I may have been pretty sick, but I didn’t feel pretty sick and I watched everything they wanted to do. So when they wheeled in the thermometer, I asked, “Is it clean?” At that point, my loving wife grabs the devise and uttered these unforgettable words. “No, they just took it out of the guy's rectum next door here, open up! And with that she shoved it into my mouth. Even I saw the humor in that scene.
Hobo90
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
With her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy
Father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
Treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill..'
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
After hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about
All this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad.'
Waiter with white drapped cloth on his arm~ "And for your entree, ma'am?"
Her~ "That will be all." "I don't think he likes me."
Him~ "I like everyone" without smiling.
Insert ~ my mother had a White Russian before that.
Me ~ let me crawl under the table NOW.
Johnny- "No, I'm helping her share!"
"Sir Cumference."
I have a hunch that might be me. ;)
Diner: Waiter! What's this you've given me?
Waiter: It's bean soup, sir.
Diner: I don't care what it's been, what is it now?
I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is you have full blown aids. The good news is you have Alzheimer's and won't remember it.
So she stripped off all of her clothes and “streaked” in front of them!
Fred: “Did you see that!? It was Bertha, and did you see what she was wearing?!”
Homer: “Not very well, but whatever it was looked like it needed ironing!”
Anyone can popcorn
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night
together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to do some
‘horizontal dancing’ with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could
not do the ‘wild thing’.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel
clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from
under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
His reply: "I want you to be a widow bit nicer!"
hahaha
HOW TO TREAT YOUR HUSBAND
Always kiss him when he goes out and comes in.
Always give him the best chair for watching the television.
Do not ask him where he is going when he steps out at 9.45 pm.
Always have a meal ready for him each evening, and give him what you save out of the housekeeping.
Do all you can for him, and if that does not satisfy him----
Shoot him.
than to open your mouth and prove it.
Bit like me :s
"What's the name of the other eye?"