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Saturday Night Live had a funny skit about a fictional Amazon Alexa for seniors called the Echo Silver. It has an “uh huh” feature for long rambling stories, it scans for items (the phone is in your right hand), and it repeats answers and reminds the senior of their original question. If the temperature is already 80 degrees, it will point this out and not turn the thermostat on even if the senior asks it to. I wish it existed!

https://www.cnet.com/news/snl-saturday-night-live-parody-ad-amazon-echo-for-old-people-senior-citizens/
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BB, I laughed out loud at that one.
You have the best clean jokes, thank you for sharing !
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What do you do with a sick chemist?
Well if you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.
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Roxbob, ROFLMAO !! Love your Kermit the frog joke!!! Hubby is a drummer.
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Sometimes, I just wish to die peacefully on my sleep, like my uncle, and not screaming in horror, like the passengers of his bus.
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Don't judge women by kilos, and you won't be judged by centimeters.
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If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it.
There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Why do sharks prefer salt water?

... because pepper water makes them sneeze!
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Credit cards are VERY dangerous.
Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors
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Before you say something harsh about someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. It’s very convenient because even if you’re really rude, you’re a mile away AND you’ve got their shoes.
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Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
He pastaway.
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PharSytid sometimes I wonder if you and I are writing the same language - I have no idea what you are trying to say?
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Ok, so it doesn't have to be Fleas Not My Dog- pick another song. I am surprised that nobody has responded because I strongly believe a simple coordinated thing like this would provide incredible juju all of us need.
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Hey e1! Let's have a 'Fleas Not My Dog 'off! It won't cost a thing and we all can feel a united moment of connected positive juju among all of us and the vibe of the moment! Who couldn't smile knowing that at a certain moment that all of us are simultaneously singing a round of Fleas Not My Dog to ourselves or aloud from whatever trench, chair, respite, pit of hell or happy place we are in at that time? No matter what's going on, who we are trying to appease, whoever might be telling us we don't care, whoever no longer recognizes us, whoever's soiled linens or panties are in our hands, whoever we are saying a final good bye I love you to or go to hell I really can't stand you to, at a precise time we will feel the luv of our fellowship coarse through us collectively via Fleas Not My Dog! Oh come on, there have been sillier ideas- remember the Egg Scrambler by Ronco? It sold millions! So if one person will throw out a date and a second person a time it's GAME ON! Oh and how do word of this get relayed for those who don't visit the Jokes forum? Let's do this!
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I know Christmas is over, so you'll be prepared this year. Ok, to the tune of 'Felize Navidad':
Fleas not my dog fleas not my dog
fleas not my dog oh my doggie she gotsa no fleas
my little doggie she no itchy scratchy my little doggie she no itchy scratchy my little doggie she no itchy scratchy cause my doggie ain't got no fleas
fleas not my dog...
And yes, there is choreography that effectively goes with it at the chorus, take either hand and do a dog style ear scratching. Better yet, stand there on one leg and use the other for the ear scratching move- sounds silly but it will impress!
My staff at my former job dreaded the holidays not sure why cause I had a helluva good time!
Yes, I am an only child .
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A horse walks into a bar, bartender comes over and asks, "hey, why the long face?"
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If at first you don't succeed,

Then skydiving definitely is not for you.
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Ouch, Coyote. these are getting worse.
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And this news is just in! Big explosion at the cheese importer! When the firefighters arrived, all left remaining was the brie.
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A thief entered a house in mid afternoon.

He tied up the woman and at knife point asked the man to hand over the jewellery and money.

The man started sobbing and said "You can take anything you want. You can kill me also. But please, untie the rope and free her."

Thief: "You must really love your wife!"

Man: "No, but she will be home shortly."
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Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.
Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
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This is a late Christmas story, apparently true. A preschool playgroup in England was setting up a nativity play for parents. The four year olds didn't want to dress up as shepherds, so they turned themselves into cowboys. Much more fun!

Play guns gives a whole new meaning to 'peace on earth'...
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Who was the greatest female businessperson in the Bible?


 Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet
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Living on earth may be expensive,
but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
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Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and no one raises an eyebrow.
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the blazes happened.
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I have a cousin who was walking downtown, once, very hungry. He saw a large mob of people outside a department store.
“What’s going on?” he asked
An employee replied, “These people are waiting to get the new colective Barbie doll.”
He joined the mob. After all, he was hungry, and who can resist a Barbie queue?
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This is a joke NOT real

Dad died because he could not remember his blood type.
His last words were, "Be positive."
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Here is your Wiz-dumb for the New Year....
1) There's no place like Om!
2) Get in touch with your IN-FUN-IT Self.
3) Develop your fool potential.
4) Don't forget how unique and special you are. Without you, there could be no everybody.
5) It is bad luck to be superstitious. Thank your lucky stars you are not.
6) If you are thinking about procrastinating, put it off.
7) Try that refreshing new feeling, called thinking.
May you introduce your mind to your mouth.
8) Appreciate the unique design of the human body. It was designed so that we can neither pat ourselves on the back or kick ourselves in the butt too easily.
9) Remember , too much of a good thing is..............wonderful.
10) Never use big words when diminuitive ones work just fine.
11) Frolic, but do not frog lick. Remember to savor the frog's philosophy of life:
"Time's fun when you're havin flies".
12) Quit while you are in bed.
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