I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"for my blonde friends... an apology".
One of them responded.
"You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
eat salad and
go for a run
Other days I
eat cupcakes and
wear my baggiest sweat pants.
It's called balance.
Mr. & Mrs. Wong had a baby boy. The nurse bought out a white baby. The father looked confused. He said 2 Wongs don't make a white and they named him, Sum Ting Wong.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
The 85-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for 20 minutes, and it just dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The 90-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and I still have problems."
Then the 95-year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning, at 6 a.m. sharp, I have a good long pee. And at 6:30 a.m. sharp, I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7 a.m!"
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs.
As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
Now: Longing for hair
Then: Disco
Now: Costco
Then: Crop Top
Now: Muffin Top
Then: Praying for a BMW
Now: Praying for a BM
Then: Hairstyles with wings
Now: Upper arms with wings
Then: Going to a new, hip joint
Now: Getting a new hip joint
Then: All nighter= out with friends
Now: All nighter= insomnia
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Excited about passing driver's test
Now: Excited about passing vision test
Then: Keg
Now: EKG
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: kidney stones
Then: Hot guys
Now: hot flash
On the way home from taking my FIL to the doctor, my kids starting talking about things they collect...
8 year old: I collect Pokemon cards.
5 year old: I collect Legos.
8 year old: Granddaddy, what do you collect?
Granddaddy (with no hesitation): Dust
That story still makes my kids laugh almost ten years later.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”
One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Thanks for reminding us all that we all have different senses of humor and that that is OK . We need to have tolerance for other people's opinions about all issues including humor. The important thing is that we lighten up and learn to laugh when we can. Life is stressful enough without getting hung up on humor.
By the way, the reason the Jamaican joke is out of sequence is because it was deleted by the site and I reposted it. There is nothing wrong with that joke.
Thank you for the story about the Jamaican joke being told to your husband by the neuroradiologist. I have gotten so much c*** about my jokes being so highly offensive that it's ridiculous. I had to turn on my privacy settings to disallow PM's being sent to me from one individual who was harassing me daily.
these jokes are R rated at there worst, and when did we lose the ability to just laugh at things and not take them so seriously. What we deal with on a daily basis is so heartbreaking that I take my laughs where I can get them, and I refused to stop telling jokes that I know are funny--not off the charts funny but chuckle funny.
So to all of those who are so highly offended by jokes that have been told on late night TV shows, I say lighten up and just let yourself laugh. Remember we all have different senses of humor and that's OK
BTW, salutem, I like the jamaican tattoo one also. We heard this many years ago in a slight variation, told by a neuroradiologist as he slid a large needle into my husband's spine to do a spinal tap. No doubt to distract him. In this variation, the tourist is standing next to the jamaican in the men's room. I can't deliver the joke as well as the neuroradiologist did, but both men have partially visible tattoos which start with the letters "WE..." The tourist notices this, announces proudly that his tattoo is his wife's name--Wendy--and asks the jamaican what his tattoo says. And the jamaican answers, "Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day!"
Needless to say my husband sailed through the spinal tap laughing. I'd call this bedside manner!
For my part, off color jokes are just fine. This thread has given me many a laugh! (And I like silly third-grade boy bathroom jokes too.)
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."