I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Them: "Hello?"
Me: "Yes, I'm calling about the Durango for sale?"
Them:"Yes, it's still for sale."
Me: "Does it run?"
Them: "Yes, it does."
Me: "Well then, can you either step on the gas, or get the heck out of my way?"
Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
“Yeah!”
“Are you hurt?”
“No!”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccups!
I'm in the mood for love,
Simply because you're near me.
Funny, but...
Say, you DO have a funny butt!
So, did you know that there are two kinds of people in the world? Those
who think that there are two kinds of people in the world and those who
don't.
Oh, I'm sorry, you thought I was gonna make a pun, now, didn't you?
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I said no to alcohol, but it didn't listen.
It's not good to steal. The government hates competition.
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society..." - Mark Twain
Sent a message 8 hours ago
Dear ‘Send help’, you may be a mate of ‘mikim’ alias ‘salutem’, or you may be a real different person who happens to like a diet of dirty jokes. Most of us are of an age where we are broad minded, know very well about all the body pieces below the belt, but don’t find it funny to have our noses rubbed in smut. Some, like me, have tried to explain, and have been told repeatedly in messages and posts on line to ‘clutch the pearls’. I’m sending you the Message I sent to him yesterday. Please don’t encourage him (that’s if you aren’t him anyway).
Reply:
I no longer own any pearls, after casting them all before swine.
What I find most annoying is that the moderators never, ever jump in until things spiral out of control, and then they go nuclear and erase everything. If they were more proactive it would never have come to that.
All you really need to do is read over a forum, see what it trends towards and you'll see what the norm is. On this thread it's not risque humor. That doesn't mean you can't start your own dirty jokes thread.
CWilly I like your jokes. I think you are funny! But hay that's just me.😁
AgingCare website could certainly use a feature like that in its forum. Maybe if many of us ask AC about it, they may consider it.
Until then, just ignore and skip over anything you don't want to read and/or report it if inappropriate.
Deep breath everyone. There are things and people that are not worth a nano second of your time.
And that is no joke.
I was at the grocery store with my purse that could hold all my worldly belongings, I have to pull my hair dryer out to get to my wallet and was suddenly over taken with a really bad idea. I look up while I am holding my dryer and say "stickem up"
Yeah, it was not the response I was expecting and I am afraid I scared 10 years off that poor ladies life. Not to mention how scared I was by the lecture I received.
I guess it looked like a hand held cannon to the checker.
Clever ideas gone wrong!
“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, point a hair dryer at passing cars and watch them slow down!
On all your check stubs, write, "For Sexual Favours"
Skip down the street rather than walk, and see how many looks you get.
With a serious face, order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'
When leaving the Zoo, start running yelling, 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.
And My Favourite...
Go to a large Department store's fitting room and yell out, "There's no paper in here!"
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from all that skipping.