I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
My Tweety-bird was pwaying on my computer this morning.
For the wongest time, I can't type, because he pooped on the keys.
It was the letter "L".
"Wow, she must have had a lot of friends." said John. "Nope" the neighbor replied. "We all just want to buy HIS donkey."
Jimmy: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Jimmy: Yesterday, you said water was H to O.
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the b@#$*'s name.
3.Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
So now I sit in the park and laugh at all the joggers!
Mom was telling a story of when she was a kid, and she was sick nigh unto death, her Daddy rode a mule to death going to town to get a Dr.
When she was done telling her story I said Oh he must of rode that mule hard and fast as possible to get help, was the mule ok?
She said No I told you he rode him to death.
I thought she was just using figure of speech, but nope she was being very literal.
He replied that he was working on, "Aquathermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed until, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
You're old enough to know your way around,
you're not going anywhere.
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
Credit to Bookluvr 2016
"Yeah?" says Mac. "What was the name of it?"
Fred thinks for a moment, then says, "What's the name of that flower you give someone you love?"
"You mean a rose?" asks Mack.
"That's the one," replies Fred. Turning toward the kitchen he yells, "Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
all 7 of them. They prefer the term "little people".
You will never find a horse losing money bettin' on people.
I might be naughty and start a small fight with my sig other when he has the hiccups.
Frazzled & dogperson that's funny!