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Buzzy - come back. You're missed!
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I saw a funny picture of the sign outside of a store that sells vacuums. It said, "Everything we sell sucks."
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I feel bad for the homeless guy, but I feel especially bad for the homeless guy's dog. He must be thinking, "Man, this is the longest walk ever!"
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I miss Buzzy! Buzzy could always make me laugh. Although, most of you are doing a good job:)
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mikkimball0664 doesn't like my screen name, calling it a poor choice of words nor did the individual respond to my pm in reference to my mother being the church lady at SNL. The individual needn't have responded with so many exclamation points.
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HEWWO!
My Tweety-bird was pwaying on my computer this morning.
For the wongest time, I can't type, because he pooped on the keys.

It was the letter "L".
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heres my joke...how do u know when your old well you don't know whether u need 2 pass wind or poop lol but 4 me who is much younger same applies as i have crohn's disease lol ...ohwell
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dads1caregiver - funny jokes. I love them.
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Smeshque: That phrase you used - "nigh unto death" is one I'd never heard before. That is so poetic and I'll have to remember it.
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I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger.....then, it hit me.
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The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
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Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!
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John, a farmer, was returning to his house when he noticed a lot of people gathered around his neighbor's house. When he stopped to ask what was going on, another neighbor said, "Joe's donkey kicked his mother-in-law & she died."
"Wow, she must have had a lot of friends." said John. "Nope" the neighbor replied. "We all just want to buy HIS donkey."
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Teacher: Jimmy, what is the chemical formula for water?
Jimmy: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Jimmy: Yesterday, you said water was H to O.
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Got this from a FB friend.  John Wayne's 5 Rules to Life . . .

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the b@#$*'s name.

3.Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
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Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is as healthy for you as a 20 minute jog.

So now I sit in the park and laugh at all the joggers!
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A cross eyed teacher got fired because he couldn't control his pupils.
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Maybe only humorous to me,
Mom was telling a story of when she was a kid, and she was sick nigh unto death, her Daddy rode a mule to death going to town to get a Dr.
When she was done telling her story I said Oh he must of rode that mule hard and fast as possible to get help, was the mule ok?
She said No I told you he rode him to death.
I thought she was just using figure of speech, but nope she was being very literal.
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I recently called an old engineering buddy and asked what he was working on these days.

He replied that he was working on, "Aquathermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."

I was impressed until, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
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The irony of life is that by the time
You're old enough to know your way around,
you're not going anywhere.
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Why does a chicken coupe have only 2 doors ? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan !
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Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

Credit to Bookluvr 2016
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Two elderly couples just finished sharing a lovely meal together. The ladies cleared the table and headed for the kitchen, leaving the gents to their cigars and whiskey. Fred turns to Mack and says, "We found a nice new restaurant last night. Great food and the prices were very reasonable."
"Yeah?" says Mac. "What was the name of it?"
Fred thinks for a moment, then says, "What's the name of that flower you give someone you love?"
"You mean a rose?" asks Mack.
"That's the one," replies Fred. Turning toward the kitchen he yells, "Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
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I have heard from some dwarf persons, who also take offense at the term dwarf,
all 7 of them. They prefer the term "little people".
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Good news for those of you who don't want Amazon's Alexa listening to all your conversations. Amazon is developing a male version named Alex... he won't listen to anything.
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Much better mikkimball0664😉
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Will Rogers said that horses are smarter than people.
You will never find a horse losing money bettin' on people.
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DLB my doctor told me that I was fat and I said oh yeah, well you are ugly, at least I can diet. Next time I saw her she had botox lips.😜
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My doctor told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, "OK, you’re ugly, too."‴
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Okay Polarbear. I about fell out of my seat!

I might be naughty and start a small fight with my sig other when he has the hiccups.

Frazzled & dogperson that's funny!
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