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I saw this on FB- it is me.

Just told my kids I'm older than Google.  They think I'm kidding.

(I am also older than computers!)
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Have to heard about the new Glass Coffins? Will they be popular, not sure...it remains to be seen.
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Applied for a job and received a reply. “ Dear Sir, you attached a Jamie Oliver recipe for chilli beef instead of your CV.”
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Q: Why did Miss Tomato turn red?
A: Because she peeked over the garden fence and saw Mr. Green Pea.
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A friend told me that at her community center birthday parties for those 80 & older are referred to as funeral rehearsals.
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My age doesn't bother me...
it's the side effects
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Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
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Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to stay with you.
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.
3. Days off from work.
2. Candles.
1 And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
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Where did Noah keep his bees? In his ark hives!
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FunnyTimes are on this page.  Thanks everyone!  😄
Here are a few aging (old?) jokes   from my BIL.

60 may be the new 40, but 9:00 is the new midnight.

If you answer the phone with "Hello, you’re on the air!" most telemarketers will quickly hang up.

To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.

When someone asks what you did over the weekend, squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
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Back after a long time. Missed you, folks.

The cop stopped a speeding car, went to the driver:
"Papers, please."
"Sorry, officer, when I stole this car I found no documents."
"You what?!"
"Sure, I opened the glove compartiment to store my pistol, and saw nothing there"
"Pistol?!"
"How do you expected me to shoot the car owner with no gun?"
"You shoot the..."
"Yes, the body is at the trunk. Just be careful not to rip the cocaine bags also there."
The cop was nervous, called for back up, including the police chief.
They arrived in a flash. The commander was quickly asking:
"So, you have no documents?"
"No, officer, they are right here."
"And the gun on the glove compartment?"
"you can open it, there's only kleenex and candy there."
"And I imagine there's no body in the trunk"
The driver opened it, the cops saw it was empty. The chief turned to him.
"I don't understand. The first officer told me you stole a car, had a gun, drugs and a body on it."
"... and I bet he told you I was also speeding."
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
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Goodness Frazzled - and there's poor little Daisy thinking "what kind of a girl do you think I am!"
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Singles ad that appeared in the Atlanta Journal:

"Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl that loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, fishing trips, and cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX and ask for Daisy."

Over 15,000 people found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador Retriever named Daisy.
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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
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Be kind to everyone you meet. You never know who lost an argument to a three year old today...Applies to stubborn 84 year olds as well.
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I get the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up.


Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
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The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.
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What does a cow use to count? A cowculator. (I know, this is kinda cheesy, LOL)
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Here here! Finding something that makes you smile or laugh your arse off is like a mini vacation from the day to day realities. I don’t have a joke, but my partner has Parkinson’s disease - advanced stages. When I had to buy a transport chair my warped sense of humor kicked in and I ordered 2 t-shirts
Mine: The Mover
His: The Shaker
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Good one Frazzled.

I used to get my newspaper stolen actually so I can relate. LOL
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"It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
– Navjot Singh Sidhu
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And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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dads1caregiver, THANKS.  I appreciate it as a former teacher.
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Why did the fish get bad grades? Because he was below sea level.
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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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and...

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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