I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
One blonde replies: "No, we're not even Catholic."
An old man sitting on the porch of the memory care facility says, "Why don't you take one lug nut from the other 3 wheels and use them?"
The driver does so and replaces the flat with his spare. "That was a good idea, mister," the driver says to the old man. "You're a pretty sharp guy. What are you doing in a place like this?"
The old man grimaces and says, "I'm demented, not stupid!"
My DH is 4 years younger than me. I knew the answer, he didn’t, and we worked out that the whole Davey Crocket thing must have happened when he was just too young to get jokes.
The answer is….. the left ear, the right ear, and the wild front-ier.
DH laughed, so even kid’s jokes can stay funny for decades!
Spring forward, fall backwards.
What does that mean, anyway?
A lot of us are doing that anyway.
Falling, I mean.
Just this morning, I tripped going out to the car to find the correct time on my car clock. Thank goodness it is once again the correct time!
Taking advantage of this, our local radio station has set up a treasure hunt for the gold (wrapped) toilet roll, hidden somewhere in the small town location. The prize is a carton of ...toilet paper, so the winner can throw a party for all their friends and neighbours who are in need of relief!! Yeah for local initiative!!
(If anyone wants the secret to the toilet paper wars, it’s a high bulk low value item where the stores work on jis (just in time) frequent orders. If several people ‘stock up’, the shelves quickly empty – until the next morning. Re-timing the entire delivery system in just a few days is almost impossible. I remember this in the 1970s oil shortage in London, where I did actually have to cut a paper towel roll in half when we ran out! Best of luck to all of you, and let’s hope that relief is in sight.)
Stay away from me, please.
And, don't give out any more free donuts. (After you have handled them.) (Coughed on them). (Sneezed on them).
Ok, maybe just one donut, wrapped in a baggie. Is that a fly in there from the donut store? Lol.
Love the funeral joke! Funny!!!
CDC: Yes, wash them for at least 20 seconds
Neil Diamond: Touching hands.....
CDC: No, please don’t touch hands!
Neil Diamond: Reaching out.....
CDC: Avoid that too
Neil Diamond: Touching me....
CDC: No! none of that!
Neil Diamond: TOUCHING YOU
CDC: We’re doomed
Neil Diamond: Sweet Caroline!
CDC: Oh hell
CDC: Ba Da Ba Ba!
I expressed how glad I was that he was getting smarter, and sad that I was getting dumber.
He said, in a very rare moment of being funny:
"You are not getting dumber, just blonder".
What do you do if your husband is staggering around the front yard babbling incoherently ?
Shoot him again.....
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the Italian woman walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My husband's."
''What happened to him?"
"He yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The Italian woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of Italian sisterhood and silence passed between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The woman replied, "Get in line."
If you come in contact with this WORK virus you should immediately got to the nearest Biological Anxiety Relief facility (BAR) where you will be supplied with one of the antidotes:
Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE)
Radioactive Unwork Medicine (RUM)
Bothersome Employer Eliminator Reboot (BEER)
or Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)
https://quotesnhumor.com/22-hilarious-jokes-collection/
I just want to say that humor and laughter make a world of difference for me going along this caregiving journey. Without it, the situation would feel absolutely hopeless and miserable all the time. Of course there are bad days that are not easy, but having a good laugh gets me through and makes me feel better. Find something funny to watch to put you in a better mood! The power of humor and laughter is amazing!
We have a Chihuahua + Dachshund which = a Chiweenie~
Labrador + Poodle = Labradoodle
Yorkshire Terrier + Poodle = Yorkie Poo
Dachshund + Yorkshire Terrier = Dorkie
Labradoodle + Yorkie Poo = Mongrel
Yorkie Poo + Dorkie = Mongrel
Dorkie + Labradoodle = Mongrel
Dachshund + Great Dane = Extremely Difficult
Ground beef
Decaffeinated
And now it costs $1.75. Do you know why?
INFLATION.