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A cheerful comment from Mamie Van Doren, a bombshell blonde of the Marilyn Monroe era: “I’ve married a few people I shouldn’t have. But haven’t we all?”.
Other times, other ways!
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Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
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Hubs and I are on the perfect staycation,
thanks to the coronavirus.

As we contemplate our bellybuttons,
the toilet paper companies contemplate
a rise in their stocks.
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cwille,

So cute! Hahaha
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Heard this today:

Home-schooling Day 1:
2 students expelled for bad behaviour and Teacher suspended for being intoxicated.
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BECOMING A SENIOR
Barb was lying in bed one night. Larry was falling asleep but Barb was
in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me... "

Mildly irritated, Larry reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek
and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, Larry threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked.

"To get my teeth!"
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What do you call fake noodles?


















Impasta!😁
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Not necessarily a joke but I told my dad that in light of the toilet paper shortage I was telling my family that there was a two square limit per bathroom trip (not that anyone was listening) He said “if they won’t do that tell them to turn it over and use the other side!” Ugh!!! 🤣
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A sweet innocent joke, about a little girl visitor sharing a bath with her little boy cousin. Later she says to mother “it’s good that that thing is not on his face”.
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Despite the high cost of living.... it remains popular.
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Everything I can't find is in a totally secure place.
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If you think pushing 60 is hard, wait till you start dragging it.
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Maturing like a fine wine, but finding it more difficult to get the cork in.
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I intend to live forever.

So far, so good.
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A husband rearranged the jars in his wife's spice rack. He's not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin...
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Copied from a friend's FB post:

The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot get the Coronavirus. Any dogs that had been held in quarantine have been released. (Wait for it....)

That's right, WHO let the dogs out.
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There was a joke, and I had to private message a friend it was so bad.
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Two men enter a bank, wearing masks.
Everyone gasps and raises their hands.
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Two bats are hanging upside on their tree.

One asks the other, "what do you fear most about old age?"

The other one says, "INCONTINENCE!"
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?
(scroll down....)





DUNG!!!
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My husband took the car in for it's Warrant of Fitness.

The mechanic said, "You've got a bald patch, your spare is oversized, and you're unbalanced."

And hubby said, "and what about the car?"

Hahahahahaa! Oh dear... ;-)
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You've probably heard of
Pinot Grigio
Pinot Noir
Pinot Blanc
But now there's a new wine that's been developed especially for older people who have a problem with making too many trips to the bathroom over night...
It's called Pinot More
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I was waiting in line at the convenience store this morning when two men came in wearing masks.
There was TOTAL PANIC!
Then they said "This is a robbery"
... and everyone calmed down.
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Seen on the front of a birthday card:
"Words cannot describe how wonderful you are!"

Inside:
"But numbers can. 3/10."
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I think this part of another post by DareDiffer is worth the Jokes site:-
‘Can remember my gran wanting her husband to come in from the garden. On being reminded he was dead she snapped back - “well I know that - he died on 4 January 1965 - but tell him to come in for his tea before it gets cold!”.’
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My hubs got a call to confirm or cancel his routine physical this month. Press 1 to 'confirm', or 3 to 'cancel'.

Not going anywhere near a medical facility, he pressed 3 to cancel.

I don't know if it is possible for a recorded voice to sound that happy and excited!
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I don't have to use my old tablet anymore so I'm back, just don't have any jokes for ya tonight. Hugs to all
lovcuz
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The only thing flat-earthers fear…
Is sphere itself.
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I'm giving up drinking for a month.
Oops sorry, bad punctuation.
I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
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Warning for this week - starts with changing the clocks, moves to a full moon and ends with a Friday the 13th..... Good luck folks!
P.S. Don‘t forget to wash your hands!
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