I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
After a minute of them bickering, a large Australian dude (this was in the US) came over, told them they were both idiots, and flipped the 16 year old girl upside down. He gave her a hard whack on the back, food came flying out, and he sat back down and finished his dinner."
- Reddit (?)
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She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house…………. and left it there all night.
It got real quiet and the guy says, "I built this house 5 years ago. I've had a vasectomy 7 years ago."
He looked at his wife. She took off running, and the guy took off after her. My friend said that he just quit and packed up knowing he wasn't going to get paid."
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."
The pastor hollered out "GRACE."
The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."
The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES".
Pass this along to some other old fogey so they can smile today. (I just did)
Why do Brunettes and Redheads like to sit around and tell blonde jokes?
What else are they going to do on Saturday nights?
What do Chubby people and Mopeds have in common?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
My dad took me out to practice driving when I was 17. At one point, he told me to stop and get out of the car in the middle of the road.
“Look at the car! Look at the lane! Which one is bigger?”
I said, “The lane?”
“THEN STAY IN IT!”
Mom paid for me to have private lessons after that.
That reminds me of a true story with a funny ending. Williamsburg, VA was being restored, but the old mental health hospital there was still in use. A patient was out in the yard working when Mr. Rockefeller walked by and said hello I'm J. D. Rockefeller to which the patient replied and I'm Napoleon. Each of them thought the other was mentally ill.
Whenever someone would get all huffy and demand, “Do you know who I am?” … He would immediately get on his radio and say, “This is going to be a psychiatric case. Subject doesn’t know who he is.”
They found the suspect, and then proceeded to educate him on domestic violence.
It was brilliant."
- Reddit ??
*Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told ‘no’ if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
PS I loved your one about the surprise dinners! I've just cleaned out most of my kitchen cupboards, and yes, I had too many cans of beans!
Sitting on the couch and my husband said quietly ‘The good part of all this is I get to spend more time with you’. I turned my head and looked at him lovingly, and realised he was talking to the dog.
My wife said if I don’t get off the computer and do something helpful she’d slam my head into the keyboard, but I think she’s jokiq[qweiprvjh fiugncpeohnc ;lzdohcn
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like “See? This is why I chew the furniture”.
This one comes with a picture of a hole in the lawn, about 7feet by 2:
Day 8 of quarantine. My wife has taken up gardening but she won’t tell me what she’s going to plant.
Love to all, Margaret