I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Notrydoyoda, you would be censored by the joke police for being racy. But I think that we all get it without it being said.
I would say something about up against the wall, but that would be too racy.
Eleanor Roosevelt
"A cure for dementia!"
"When do we want it?"
"Want what?"
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They say that you are what you eat...
I don't remember eating a person with dementia
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She said she would never want to place that burden on me..
I said, honey that's the fifth time you've told me that.
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Sorry to hear about your dementia...
But do you have that 10 grand you owe me?
Ok, we need humor.... or go insane.... what part did I miss?
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
Something here about golden brothers and stainless steel sisters?
Bleach!
Q: If 2020 was a drink, what would it be?
A: Colonoscopy prep.
And one from Phyllis Diller: Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
1) People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician.
2) Sometimes, I just wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle, and not screaming in horror, like the passengers on his bus.
3) When William joined the army he got nervous about the phrase 'fire at will'.
Pharmacist asked his assistant what a patient needed. "He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any" said the assistant "so I sold him a bottle of laxatives." The pharmacist says, "You can't treat a cough with a laxative!" "Yes you can" said the assistant "Look at him... he's far too scared to cough."
And one for all of us:
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the blazes happened!
When there is change in the weather.
:)
Me: So how old is the man in the paper?
Dad: 64
Me: And you are how old?
Dad: 66
Me: Does this mean we can officially start calling you an old man now?
Dad: I guess so.
Me: Does this mean you plan on stepping out of the way and letting the younger folks have a chance? No more attending the planning commission meetings and showing the city's young building department people how little they know about historic building structures and methods?
Dad: NO! If they can't take the time to research before publicly offering an stupid recommendation that's their problem.
What do you do with a sick chemist?
Well if you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.
AND
The accident victim was losing blood rapidly. The paramedics told him that he needed an immediate transfusion, and asked if he knew his blood group. They said that that his chances weren’t good. His last words were, "Be positive."
When I looked at my appointment card her degree followed her name ___ Au D.
I imagine she felt like she had paid enough to buy an Audi after all of her education to receive an Au D!
"Stop staring at my D--k."
Got a good laugh from that
Before you say something harsh about someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. It’s very convenient, because even if you’re really rude, you’re a mile away AND you’ve got their shoes.
And one for dog people:
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
"Lately, when I close my eyes, I see a bunch of white spots."
"Have you seen an Ophthalmologist?"
"No, just a bunch of white spots."
When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.
The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”
The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
There's no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.
One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”
Anna is very excited and wishes for the trip to Thailand that she’s been dreaming about for years.. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”
“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.
My husband who now has dementia/alzheimers depending on which doctor you talk to - went to our family doctor for his 6 month check up. After doing a urine sample the doctor told him "Pull your zipper up, you don't want to bother the ladies in the waiting room." Without hesitation my husband replied "What can't get up - can't get out." I was embarrassed but once I got home and since then it cracks me up. Such honesty and he wasn't be a cad - just open and honest like a child. I still smile when I think of the doctor's response - he didn't say a word.
AND If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Lots of quaranteens.
If it was flat, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now!
A good start.