I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
Because it was cultured.
(if it was peach yogurt, I'll go too!)
They each got six months.
(hopefully they didn't steal a 2020 calendar - it wasn't worth getting six months for it!)
Couldn’t help but notice over in the ATM lane, this beautiful baby blue convertible with an equally beautiful woman in the drivers seat. She was busy applying makeup as she waited for her turn. She was doing a full job. Had a case with a mirror and was basically ignoring the fact that the car in front of her had moved up. A guy in a new red van (still had the paper plates} had pulled up behind her. He started honking his horn. Making large gestures for her to move along. She could see him in the mirror but kept right on with the mascara. Of course, we all heard the horn so we could now stare openly at the makeup application. She didn’t seem to be budging.
Finally the ATM lane is clearing. Just as she is finishing a spritz of perfume, the guy in the van, who apparently is not a convertible fan, whips around her and pulls into the opening space in the ATM lane.
She is, of course, now ready to pull up .... but he has cut the line. It was like she knew exactly how long it would take for that last customer to pull away.
But she seems to be nonplussed.
She gets out of the convertible ( I’m glad I saw that part) goes to the trunk, puts her makeup case inside and takes out a large black spray can.
Hairspray now, I’m thinking.
Nope.
She walks to the front of the van while the guy is doing his banking but making sure he can see her, she sprays the bright red van with black spray paint! OMG! What next?
My lane had started to move and I slowly moved forward not wanting to miss whatever was coming.
But It was Friday. the teller for my lane wanted me to move along. My banking was done, I had to pull away. When I looked back I saw that the guy had gotten out of his van, had his arm raised and the woman was holding onto his radio aerial.
Was he going to hit her?!
As I turned the corner I saw the aerial come off in her hand.
A crowd was forming and I can tell you no banking was being done.
I heard a siren. Not wanting to get snarled in traffic, I reluctantly drove home.
The next morning my wife handed me the newspaper and said this must be a story about that scene at the bank.
I couldn’t believe it!
There was a picture of the woman and you know, her makeup still looked pretty good for all she had been through.
And then I noticed the real shocker.... the headline ... which read ....
“ Local man dies .... of van aerial disease. “
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
(that's the way I want my blood drawn!)
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high
She looked at me surprised.
They don't meet the koalafications.
YES!
I think the reason those test came out was because of wimps like me not wanting to to the standard colonoscopy! LOL
Still thinking about it....The package gets damaged in transit....and your 'sample' has your name on it, and your dna....now that is embarrassing!
Last visit to my doctor she had the nurse give me the kit used to do my ‘at home’ colon cancer test. So easy, I did one last year. Get a sample, then mail it off! Done!
Okay, my next visit is in November. My doctor is a sticker about being up to date on tests which is great because otherwise I tend to procrastinate.
Due to hubby’s recent cancer diagnosis I want to be more vigilant in taking responsibility for myself.
Well, I put the test away to do it at a later time and can’t find it! LOL. Have you ever put something away ‘in a safe place’ and hid it from yourself?
I will continue to look. If I can’t find it will they readily give me a new one or will they be laughing about it? Hahaha 😂.
At least I misplaced it before having the sample in it ready to be mailed.
I feel like an idiot!!! 🤣
Because they use honeycombs.
Yes, I would think you would have learned after the first time you did it but, I didn't want to say anything. :) But, since you said it...
"Maybe someday, yeah maybe not" - LOL!!
I just can't let an opportunity pass for a good practical joke or a good goosing. Maybe someday, yeah maybe not.
I can see it happening once, but twice??? That's hilarious - I'll be laughing at that one for awhile!
However, I was leaving my office one day and my husband was bent over digging through a tool box. I came back, roughly an hour later, and he was still digging around in the toolbox. Well, I can not resist a dairyaire just sticking out there, so I give him a solid slap. Oh my, my new secretary thought we were an awful tight company, it was our foreman. He dressed exactly like my husband. We were both utterly shocked, we still laugh about that "mistake".
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
That is too cute - I'm so glad you were able to laugh with him about it! :)
Too funny!
One time a neighbor child did that to my mom. She had a photo of herself when she was young on the wall. The little girls asked mom, “Who is that?” Mom said, “That’s me.” The kid asked her the same thing, “What happened to you?” Mom replied, “I got old!” LOL
Oh, so that's what life is all about - thank you for that - I've been wondering for the last 58 years!
That was good!! :)
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
That is too funny - you're lucky that woman had a good sense of humor especially in this day and age - she could have turned around and "kicked some butt!"
My husband gets embarrassed when he calls the stranger next to him ‘honey.’ Then he looks up and sees it’s not me!
My husband has done the same to me though and I caught myself talking to a complete stranger about what I was going to cook for dinner. He asked me what time should he arrive? I had to tell him that I thought he was my husband. Too funny!
I’ve heard about these stories where people meet others in a grocery. I believe it!
Thinking that I would be funny, I kicked her square in the bum.
Boy was I shocked when a complete stranger stood up, well, kinda jumped up.
She was so understanding when I explained that I believed her to be my friend.
We both had a good laugh and a funny story to tell for the rest of our lives☺
So, I had a good laugh at your adventure earlybird. I think I would have made funny faces back at ya.
You made me smile and laugh - I bet you were cute even if you were embarrassed! :)