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Set them all free I say.

Did you know that whenever I pass by the section of the grocery store that sell live lobsters, crabs and other fish I practically start bawling?

Hubs always laughs cause I always say prayers for them as we walk by.
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Poor old turkeys.😟
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Unfortunately, Thanksgiving is cancelled this year due to Covid.
Sadly, our pet turkey has passed away and we are holding a
visitation. In lieu of flowers, please bring a salad or a side dish.
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The turkey looked up the temperature for Thursday on his cell phone.

It read: 350 degrees.

That can't be right, he gobbled.
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We were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Brant, because he snored so badly. We decided it wasn't fair to make one of us stay with him the whole time, so we voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Brant and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Brant snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Brant shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. We couldn't believe it. We said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Brant into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.. Brant sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
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What did the gingerbread man said when he saw his gingerbread house on fire?

I had a lot of dough in that house.
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‘The only thing Madonna will ever do like a Virgin is give birth in a stable’ - Bette Midler
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Yes Houseplant, good one. And like a bra I can't wait to take the mask off as soon as I get in the door.
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Masks are the New Bra
_They're Uncomfortable
_You only wear them in Public
_And when you don't wear one...
Everyone Notices


Me: Alexa, what's the weather going to be this weekend?
Alexa: Why? Where do you think you're going?
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‘No-one could have a higher opinion of him than I have. And I think he is a dirty little beast’

WS Gilbert (not about Sullivan, I hope)
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My computer log-on is doing particularly well at the moment:-

You can’t cross a large chasm in two small jumps.
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My computer log-on this morning:
‘How come you never see a headline “Psychic wins lottery”.’ Jay Leno
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Margaret: Your sister is amazing!
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Margaret: The Great Depression was Adolf Hitler's "Ace in the pocket" FOR. A. MINUTE.
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The comment just now when my computer fired up for the day:
"The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics as no other fact can" Wilhelm Reich
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Sad fact for me is that I am so strongly right handed that I even have trouble washing up the other way. It’s a symptom of my scoliosis, why I was never allowed to play sport as a teenager. My old high school now has a swimming pool, which might have helped back then. But my elder sister, after her devastating stroke aged 26, taught herself to type left handed (and function generally) after RHS paralysis. She still runs a reduced accountancy practise. Go, sister Mary!
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My late aunt started a letter with her right hand and finished with her left. Sad fact was that she never got a colonoscopy, which could have saved her life.

My DH one time hurt his dominant hand and was able to switch to alternative hand ten pin bowling successfully!
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Beatty, I’m deeply shocked by the depths you can take koala jokes! I chucked out ‘Awful Jokes for Aussie Kids’ for less than this! And koalas are heavy chunky things with claws, I wouldn’t like one falling on me, but better dead than alive.
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Worst joke ever 😂 I know, but I just had to when I read that other koala one... Soz
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Why did the koala fall out of the tree?







It was dead.
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Why aren't koala bears actual bears?
Answer: Because they don't meet the koalafications!

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
Answer: A tuba toothpaste!


Why is England the wettest country?
Answer: Because the queen has reigned there for years

Today is "selection" day for our president, so I thought I'd send in a few more cute ones. We all need to smile, giggle and laugh a bit more.
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My second grade teacher was ambidextrous. She wore beautiful charm bracelets that jingled as she wrote on the chalk board. I was fascinated that she could write with both hands.

Most of my teachers were nuns. I only had a couple of teachers that weren’t nuns. I had very strict teachers.
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Margaret: You're very welcome. My aunt who died an early death from colon cancer (and was an RN) was also ambidextrous.
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Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them."
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But I didn't!"
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
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Thanks Lamalover. I find the old non-metric measurements really nice, and I remember them well. An inch – the length of the average bent finger joint. A foot – a man’s foot (size 12 boot). A cubit (I read the Bible a lot) – finger tip to elbow. A yard – finger tip to nose. My mother who lived in Germany after WWII said finger tip to nose turned sideways was a metre. I understand miles, but I’m now comfortable with kilometres. I can also do pounds as well as kilos, and pints as well as litres. People here (including me) always give their weight in kilos (60kg), but their height still in feet and inches (5'8"). You know when the police really really want to find an escapee, because they give their height in feet and inches as well as metric. It’s all about what you can ‘think’ in.

I read a lot of US books about house design and eco-whatsit, which keeps me up to date on non-metric. My daughters don’t have a clue – I remember one of them asking how deep the water off the end of a jetty, me saying ‘about 12 feet’, her saying ‘what does that mean’. So sad! I’ve forgotten the niceties of Fahrenheit temperature, except that I was one of the kids who did a year 10 chemistry exam in a motor pavilion on a day of 110F, probably more under the iron roof. Kids kept falling sideways fainting. And now I do oven temperatures in Centigrade, too.

My DH is ambidextrous, which ought to encourage me. But in fact it reminds me of someone who told me about bus timetables: ‘They do it to amuse’.

Paul, how do you measure?
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Margaret: You do well with metric vs. standard measurements.
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I thought it was hilarious today when I dropped the car off for an oil change and a man began his sentence to me saying, "son." I am at least 20 years older than him with white hair and he calls me son? That was very funny to me.
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Not a joke, but funny for me anyway. A post from a brilliant poster about sitting on a bench in NY in 40 degree temperature. I think ‘WHAT? Surely it’s cooled down by now in NY. The forecast for today here is only 39 degrees’. Duh! It’s not just early summer here, the temperature is in Centigrade. I’ve managed to change to US spelling most of the time, but I still get caught sometimes.
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Day of the time change instructions:
Smartphone: Do nothing, it's magic.
Car: Wait six months, it'll be right again.
Microwave: Obtain a degree in electrical engineering.
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metoo,

Hahaha, too funny! I was a huge Beatles fan. I also loved them individually. Adored, John but wasn’t a fan of Yoko.

She did inspire John to write good music though. He loved her. Guess that’s what matters the most.

Beatles came to my city, New Orleans when I was nine years old. I begged my parents to go. Tickets were only $4.00. Mom said she didn’t want to be around all the screaming girls. I told her that I wanted to be one of those screaming girls! Hahaha

They played at City Park but I missed it. 🙁 My parents wouldn’t bring me.
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