I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
All kinds of cute orthopedic shoes nowadays.
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
I grew up in southern California, where my sister and I frequented Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, several times a year.
On our last trip to Disney, my sister wore the cutest bright pink sneakers, with yellow polka-dots on them. After one very raucous roller-coaster ride, we popped into the ladies room. When I spotted my sisters sneakers in the stall right next to mine, I grabbed her leg and yelled, "gotcha!"...lol...
The joke was on me...it wasn't my sister at all!!! :0o
"I need to use the bathroom".
Bartender replies,
"Just go down the stairs".
Senior gentlemen is soon ejected from the bar by two burly security guards.
"But I hadn't even finished", he protests...
I also laughed out loud about the red dot and the cat doing the rest! I've often said my cats cower, expecting me to take care of whatever, unless it's small, scurries or flies or squeaks... They'd come out after the fact and ponder whether they should eat me since I'm not providing their food...
She laughed at me and told me I was old and newspapers were a thing of the past. However, I could use her phone.
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider. Now she's mad. Hmmm?
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over🤣.
When the police arrive, he is crying uncontrollably, I can't believe I just wrecked my new Ferrari.
The cop says, "I can't believe how materialistic you are. You haven't even noticed that your left arm has been cut off".
The driver looks at his left arm and screams! "OMG! My rolex!"
The driver being a sensitive man and an animal lover pulls over to see what has happened to the rabbit.
Much to his horror it is the easter bunny and it's DEAD!
The man begins crying uncontrollably. A beautiful blonde woman is driving by and sees this man crying on the side of the road and stops to see what is wrong.
When she approaches him he begins wailing that he KILLED the EASTER BUNNY!!! He feels just terrible. He can't quit crying and blaming himself for killing the Easter bunny.
The blonde tells him not to worry and runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She goes over to the limp, lifeless Easter bunny and sprays the contents on to him.
The easter bunny jumps up, waves at the two of them and hops away.
Ten feet away he turns and waves again, in another 10 feet he turns and waves again, he keeps hopping 10 feet, turning and waving again and again until he is out of sight.
The man is astonished and runs to the lady and demands to know what is in the can? What did she spray on the Easter bunny?
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read what it says...
HAIR SPRAY
RESTORES LIFE TO DEAD HAIR
and
ADDS PERMANENT WAVE
Johnny: I, too, hope that you didn't see me copying from Bobby.
Once outside, he tied a knot at the top and ruffled the end a bit. He walked back into the bar.
The bartender sees him and says "Didn't I tell you strings aren't allowed in here?"
The string replies "I'm not a string."
"No?" asks the bartender, "You're not a string?"
The string replies: "Nope. I'm afraid not."
Ba-doom TISH!
(for anyone who doesn't get the pun/play on words... a frayed knot...)
Another thing to laugh at from this morning. Tony bought an App called Google MiniNest for $30, partly because it lets him stream 5MU from Murray Bridge, a radio station that is pretty well on-target for him. He installed it, and you operate it by saying ‘Hey Google, blah blah blah’. I got sick of it, and shouted at it ‘Hey Google, I’m going to the toilet’. This nasty app replied, to my absolute amazement. ‘No problem, I’ll wait’. My jaw just dropped!
The radio station that is easiest for us locally is TouristFM, which is largely golden oldies for the grey nomads. The day before yesterday I heard ‘Purple People Eater’, and actually heard a few more words (I remembered most of them). It wasn’t “pidgeon toed under towed’ like we used to sing. It’s actually ‘pigeon toed, under growed’. ‘Nice little short short purple people eater’, so undergrowed. There you are!
Q: How many people work at the site?
A: About half of them.
A: Ever since they threatened to fire me.
1) Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
2) Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
3) There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.
When it turned 21 I had no idea drinking would be involved!
Six months later, you have to do it all again.
Llamalover47
A single gentleman way up in the back began excitedly bouncing up and down with his hand raised, waving it animatedly. The psychologist acknowledged him and when able he asked why the man was so excited if he only had sex once a year.
"Tonight's the night!!! Tonight's the night!!!" He bellowed, still with hand raised and bouncing up and down.
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's t-boi , my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of jack Daniel's Tennessee honey and a dozen Bush Lights every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?