I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters:
PIENS
and form the name of an important body part which is most useful when erect.
Those of us that answered spine are doctors today, the rest are on facebook.
If you have 20 bucks and your wife has 5.
She has 25.00.
You will return to dust,
That's why I don't dust.
It could be someone I know.
When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it is illegal to dig it up.
Gardening tips for the day!
“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”
“Well what would you like for our anniversary?” John asks.
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning to spend that much,” says John.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!
From Rags to Riches
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.
One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic?"
The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
"What's your name? " asked the executive.
John H. Smith was the reply.
The CEO arrives at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department; Do we have a client named John H. Smith?
"Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account."
The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience."
At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. "We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him."
Mr. Smith began his story.
"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele.I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.
Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a wh*re in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”
The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. “I spoke to your wife…spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison!”
1) If you have to explain a joke......just never do that.
2) The first rule of fight club club is.....
It was an ether/oar situation.
Emojipedia
I'm not sure about Cwillie's emoji. I think maybe it's a take-off on the expression "Turn your frown upside down".
Just type in Menopause Rhapsody. It's quite hilarious.
YOU READ THE TOP LINE WRONG
I sold my homing pigeon on E-Bay 22 times last month.
Now I fart to cover up my coughs.
Let’s find kindly giggles where we can!
Loved this...
Warning, this is a bit on the racy side.
I'll let you imagine the context. She was spending a few nights with us one summer and they were both having hot flashes. I commented to my wife about what her sis was wearing that morning. At first, I was shocked and then laughed when my wife said, "well if you have seen one of us, you have seen the other." That's the only story that comes to mind right now. The other stories are not that racy, but this one is.
God knew better than to give me a twin! Lol...lol... would've been such a hoot and a holler! If you think of one, be sure to post it... would love to hear it... :)
Is so good to laugh and smile with you guys a bit.