I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
As he walked to the door, she started yelling that she hoped he died a long, slow, painful death.
He turned around and said, so you want me to stay...
This old cowboy with the cowboy boots and all the trimmings sits down in a middle west bar with a young lady. She says ‘Are you a real cowboy?’. He says yes, with details. She says, ‘Well I’m a lesbian. When I get up in the morning I think about women. Whatever I do, it makes me think about women’. Next a young couple come into the bar and also ask if he’s a real cowboy, or just rhinestone. He says ‘I thought I was, but now I’m wondering if I’m really a lesbian’.
But if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, and takes your money ... You either married it or gave birth to it.
A guy is driving up a steep winding mountain road, when a woman driver comes down in the opposite direction, veering over the center lane. As she comes towards him, she yells ‘Pig’. The guy is incensed, yells out the window ‘B*tch’. Just around the corner he collides with a large pig in the middle of the road.
"Next time a stranger talks to me and I am alone. I am going to look at him all shocked and whisper quietly, "You can see me?".
New prescription states: Do not lie down after taking it.
Take twice a day, morning and at bedtime. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Why they list all the adverse effects anyway? I always have about 9 out of ten symptoms before taking the medication.
Pharmacist giving "how to take instructions" for new medicine, while masked, and behind plexiglass. She moves away from plexiglas, starts to whisper the last possible side effect into my ear..... D I A R R H E A !
Am I going to get Covid now? Maybe in my ear?
My computer is apparently becoming a bit fixated on mental illness:
‘Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd’ C Jung
My cremation is going to be epic!
But if you find one, let me know.
I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my grandmother.
WIFE:
Why does it say "Do Not Resuscitate?"
My wife tells me that Freud was a big user of cocaine or something which made his sex life awesome! It is also interesting that in those Victorian times, pornography exploded in society behind closed doors.
‘Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar’ – Sigmund Freud
PS just before the edit runs out - what if a woman was smoking it?
I spent 30 minutes one day looking for my glasses. They were hanging on my shirt front. SMH!
For several years, I have been cautioning my older grand-nephew that his "little" brother may catch up with his physical size and end up being the larger brother; so he might want to consider being a little kinder and less aggressive in his teasing...
Today the nearly 17-year-old is 5'10" and 180 lbs of chiseled muscle, the result of his dedication to weight lifting and conditioning for football and track. His nearly 13-year-old brother is now 5'10" and 188 lbs with maybe 10 lbs extra lbs around his waist. They shoot basketball together for about an hour every day and the teasing level is very different. Little brother complains because he's not allowed to lift heavy weights yet (ortho recommends higher reps on lower weight levels for pre-14). They will be in the 7th and 11th grades this fall and for the first time the age difference is disappearing and they are acting more like brothers. It's a beautiful thing to see.
Yell "mosquito"!
It will be from an asylum.