I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: So the date of the baby’s conception was 8 August
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Can you describe the person you saw?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
We will be telling them at dinner tonight.
My answer, "No, they all seem to enjoy it."
Lost hearing in left eye today.
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool drinking wine isn't a good thing".
She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas. So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 79 years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"
The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
Feeling disillusioned? Great new illusions on sale now in our July catalogue!
Q: What gear were you in at the time of the collision?
A: Just Tshirt and jeans.
Q:And where was the location of the accident?
A: Close to milepost 498.
Q: And where is milepost 498?
A: Between milepost 497 and 499.
Q: All your response must be oral, OK? So, what school did you go to?
A: Oral.
I am a little late to the party but all I can say is OUCH!
It is embarrassing to admit I had to look this up!
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the six year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
He said: "You don't have the size."
Me: "Huh? What do you mean?"
Him: "Guinea pigs are little."
Hahaha
“What’s the curse?” he asks. Answer: “Mr Klopman”
“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” Erica Jong
“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb – and I also know that I’m not blonde.” Dolly Parton
Did you know that the first cloned animal, a sheep, was named Dolly after Dolly Parton because it was cloned from a mammary gland cell?
I find it again in the refrigerator
Bifocal Barbie: Comes with her own set of fashion frames in six wild colors, neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Harpers Bazaar.
Facial hair Barbie: Comes with teeny tweezers and magnifying mirror.
Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl – now she does twelve steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she can go to meetings with this little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
With this heat, I realize I can't be going to hell. 🔥
Because if they flew over the bay, we would call them bagels.
What's your superpower?
What's Your Super Power?
Those three usual accident-prone young men front up to St Peter, who says that as it’s Christmas he will let them into heaven in spite of their past sins if each of them can show him something related to Christmas. Frantic thinking! The first one jingles his keys, Jingle Bells! He’s in. The second one lights up his cigarette lighter – a Christmas candle. OK, just. The third one pulls a sexy pair of knickers out of this pocket. St Peter says ‘That’s too much, what have knickers to do with Christmas?’. Answer “They’re Carol’s”.
What did the buffalo say when his son went off to college?
Bison.
Wev'e heard of people having guts or balls,but do you know the difference???
In an effort to keep you Stagers informed,the definitions are listed below.
"Guts "is arriving home after a late night out with the boys
and being met at the door by your wife with her broom,
and having the guts to say"are you still cleaning or flying somewhere"?
"Balls"is coming home after a night out with the boys
smelling of perfume and beer ,and lipstick on your collar
,
slapping your wife on the butt and saying"You are next chubby"
There are two outcomes of the previous instances.both
could result in hospital bills or even death.
I hope I have cleared up any misconceptions you have .
no no
don't thank me
Because 7 ate (8) 9!
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.