Follow
Share
Read More
More cross examinations that the lawyer almost immediately regretted. I do believe that these were real – the pressure when you are on your feet is quite high, and you are focused on the facts that you want to get straight, and don’t really focus on the answers. The blues are always remembered by the watching lawyers – like the guy in my year at law school who asked ‘Which car reached the point of impact first’. Anyway, here we go:

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: So the date of the baby’s conception was 8 August
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Can you describe the person you saw?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
(4)
Report

My husband and I decided that we don't want to have children.

We will be telling them at dinner tonight.
(11)
Report

My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.

My answer, "No, they all seem to enjoy it."
(11)
Report

Day 12 with no chocolate.

Lost hearing in left eye today.
(4)
Report

Parachute Club

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool drinking wine isn't a good thing".
 
She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas. So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
 
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 79 years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
 
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
 
"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"
 
The line went dead.
 
Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
(4)
Report

My computer this morning:

Feeling disillusioned? Great new illusions on sale now in our July catalogue!
(2)
Report

More real lawyer’s cross examinations that didn’t help:

Q: What gear were you in at the time of the collision?
A: Just Tshirt and jeans.

Q:And where was the location of the accident?
A: Close to milepost 498.
Q: And where is milepost 498?
A: Between milepost 497 and 499.

Q: All your response must be oral, OK? So, what school did you go to?
A: Oral.
(2)
Report

PolarBear....
I am a little late to the party but all I can say is OUCH!
It is embarrassing to admit I had to look this up!
(2)
Report

I went to a very emotional wedding over the weekend. Even the cake was in tiers.
(8)
Report

Apparently real cross examinations that the lawyer almost immediately regretted:

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the six year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
(5)
Report

I'm pretty sure there are more vaccinated people in the world now than the total number of guinea pigs. Perhaps all the guinea pigs are waiting to see what happens with us, before they push up the fur for a jab on their own upper limbs!
(5)
Report

My husband who already took the COVID vaccine asked me if/when I was going to get mine. I told him I'd wait as I didn't want to be a guinea pig.

He said: "You don't have the size."
Me: "Huh? What do you mean?"
Him: "Guinea pigs are little."

Hahaha
(5)
Report

A business man’s first class seat is next to an elegant woman, wearing an absolutely stunning diamond ring. Seeing him checking it out, she says “It’s the Klopman diamond. It’s beautiful, but there’s a terrible curse that comes with it”.

“What’s the curse?” he asks. Answer: “Mr Klopman”
(10)
Report

“In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” Margaret Thatcher

“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” Erica Jong

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb – and I also know that I’m not blonde.” Dolly Parton

Did you know that the first cloned animal, a sheep, was named Dolly after Dolly Parton because it was cloned from a mammary gland cell?
(3)
Report

It is soooo very hot that the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs! 🐔
(7)
Report

Every time I lose so weight
I find it again in the refrigerator
(10)
Report

Just as we are getting older, so is Barbie, and she needs the togs to go with it.

Bifocal Barbie: Comes with her own set of fashion frames in six wild colors, neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Harpers Bazaar.

Facial hair Barbie: Comes with teeny tweezers and magnifying mirror.

Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl – now she does twelve steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she can go to meetings with this little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
(3)
Report

Tomorrow, when it is cooler, I am going to get my life together.
With this heat, I realize I can't be going to hell. 🔥
(5)
Report

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we would call them bagels.
(7)
Report

I am a grandma.
What's your superpower?
(3)
Report

I Am A Woman
What's Your Super Power?
(3)
Report

It’s exactly 6 months to Christmas Day, and here is a totally out-of-season Christmas joke:

Those three usual accident-prone young men front up to St Peter, who says that as it’s Christmas he will let them into heaven in spite of their past sins if each of them can show him something related to Christmas. Frantic thinking! The first one jingles his keys, Jingle Bells! He’s in. The second one lights up his cigarette lighter – a Christmas candle. OK, just. The third one pulls a sexy pair of knickers out of this pocket. St Peter says ‘That’s too much, what have knickers to do with Christmas?’. Answer “They’re Carol’s”.
(3)
Report

With father's day we heard lots of dumb dad jokes. Here's my favorite...

What did the buffalo say when his son went off to college?

Bison.
(11)
Report

Guts and balls;there is a medical distinction.
Wev'e heard of people having guts or balls,but do you know the difference???
In an effort to keep you Stagers informed,the definitions are listed below.

"Guts "is arriving home after a late night out with the boys
and being met at the door by your wife with her broom,
and having the guts to say"are you still cleaning or flying somewhere"?

"Balls"is coming home after a night out with the boys
smelling of perfume and beer ,and lipstick on your collar
,
slapping your wife on the butt and saying"You are next chubby"

There are two outcomes of the previous instances.both
could result in hospital bills or even death.


I hope I have cleared up any misconceptions you have .
no no
don't thank me
(3)
Report

Why was the number 7 afraid of 9?

Because 7 ate (8) 9!
(5)
Report

Polar! Lol! I do like this kind of jokes!
(2)
Report

Polar that's absolutely hilarious, LOVE it! Definitely stealing it for my daughter!
(2)
Report

Polar bear, excellent!! Definitely my kind of joke!
(2)
Report

Polarbear, it took a minute to get it! I actually had to look up the joke online and it was extra funny to learn I'm not the only one who blanks at that punchline. I love it! https://www.thenationalnews.com/lifestyle/the-simple-cheese-joke-that-is-confusing-and-delighting-the-internet-1.886952
(5)
Report

While searching the net for a good Dad joke, most were not new, but found one I haven't read before.

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
(10)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter