Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
He died doing what he loved: Annoying the *** out of me and believing that I wouldn’t stab him.
(3)
Report

I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and whisper “you know what to do” and walk away.
(6)
Report

Physically we are in September. Emotionally I’m still processing March.
(2)
Report

My biggest fear is a killer saying some funny stuff while I’m playing dead.
(3)
Report

🙂 “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas.”
(3)
Report

If a man speaks his mind in the woods, and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
(2)
Report

🙄 "I have as much authority as the pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it." 
(1)
Report

🙂 My favorite outdoor activity
is going back inside.
(3)
Report

Caregiver flu:

It’s like the regular flu, except no one cares.
(4)
Report

So sick of looking in my wallet and not seeing $1 million.
(4)
Report

🧀🧀🧀🐀🐀🐀

Why do I like cheeeeese?
For starters, it’s pretty grate.
(3)
Report

🤯 If it ain’t one thing
it’s 10 others.
(3)
Report

If you need anything from me



reconsider.
(2)
Report

🙄 When I'm feeling sick, I google my symptoms and usually find out I have a cancer.
(2)
Report

There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.
(7)
Report

🙂 You can’t make somebody love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.
(3)
Report

🙂 You inspire
my inner serial killer.
(3)
Report

🙂 How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
(5)
Report

🙄 I have a “dry clean only” sweater that is about to learn some harsh truths about living with me.
(6)
Report

🤷‍♀️ People will tell you they care, but they don’t seem to show it unless you get sick, die or become famous.
(3)
Report

Wish list:
peace of mind.
(4)
Report

🙂 🙂 
I don't hate you,
I'm just simply not excited about your existence.
(3)
Report

🙂 🙂 
I'm in a really good place spiritually.
So please f---- off.
(3)
Report

😇😇😇
I hug people that I hate,
so that I know how big to dig the hole in my backyard.
(4)
Report

Dogs can be our best friends,
but the cat will never tell the police where the marijuana is.
(2)
Report

😉 To truly find yourself, you should play hide & seek alone.
(4)
Report

noticed a typo down there.

i meant to write:
😇💪🏻 We’re all brave in our own way.

For example, I’m not afraid of RAW cookie dough.

----
since i'm on the cookie topic anyway, here are some more:

What do you call a smart cookie? Academia nut.

-----
Tough cookies stick together.
(4)
Report

😇 I’m not as mean as I could be and I want people to be grateful for that.
(4)
Report

😳 You haven’t known fear until
you’ve tried on a too-small dress and thought you were stuck in it forever.
(3)
Report

Some babies were dropped on their heads.
You were clearly thrown at a wall.
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter