Caregiver for mother-in-law for 13 years..feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff.
My mil is 76, has diabetes, copd. We moved in w/her after husband died and he made my husband promise to live w/ her and take care of her. This is her personality: lies constantly, demands to be the center of attention, thinks EVERYONE owes her something. Believe me, while there are some things that come with aging, forgetfulness, fear, etc., the above mentioned things are not from age. She has always been this way. She has 6 children, 2 of whom speak to her. I dont blame them because she did some awful things to them during their childhood years, such as give them to family members (permanently) so she could party. Of course as she sees it, she could not afford them. And she was the best mother. Since my husband works from 6 to 4 everyday, I have been pretty much appointed caregiver. She wants to sit in her room, pop pills (which I give to her, as prescribed, or she would abuse them) and complain about how her legs hurt. Yes she has neuropathy, but its very severe because she didn't control her blood sugars. I have spent 13 years trying to get her to move, go outside, at least come out of her room. Her doctors have told her she needs to move, that it will actually help her legs. She has every excuse under the sun why she cant walk around, and she says I do walk at night when everyones asleep. Little too convenient. I know for a fact, she does not. I feel like I am right on the edge of a cliff and Im just about ready to fall off. I cant explain it any other way. Also, a year ago my mother was dying w/ cancer. I helped her ( cleaning, fixing meals, etc.) and then came back and did the same thing here. Tghe my mother passed and my Dad was just lost. So I had to help him also, which I love by the way. Then he had a stroke so therefore needs more help. Hes doing better because he chose to do things to get better. So yeah, Im still basically running 2 households and I just need a break from HER. Dont get me wrong, my husband helps (some) when he gets home. But he wont use "tough love" w/ her and make her do things for herself. she sits in her room and hollers for anyone to bring her things she wants. Ive tried for years to get this to stop but it wont. Any suggestions? Thank you for letting me go on and on and on.....lol
I agree with Alwaysmyduty, your husband needs to speak up and be the heavy. I hate being the heavy, but I have to do it or no one else will.
So speak with your husband, good luck and God Bless You!!
Your MIL should be thankful she doesn't live with me because that yelling from another room crap would've lasted exactly one day!!! Tell her you'll make your rounds every few hours to take her requests and not a minute sooner. It might motivate her to get up or if she won't or can't then she has to live by your schedule. I have absolutely no problem doling out the tough love for those who can do things but wait for others to do it for them. If she can't contribute, she waits her turn. She is using you and you need to stand up to her for your sanity. Feeling as you do indicates you're reaching the end of your rope. Don't allow her to ruin your physical or mental health.
Good luck. I really feel sorry for you. Now start thinking about yourself first and the others second. You can do it!!