Caregiver. That pretty much defines me because I have lost everything else that seems to define me.

Well ladies, lets all line up for the firing squad, terrimerritts has labled us as 'unfit'.... I really love it when someone like terrimerritts comes on board, gives us a target for our righteous indignation.... for one more damned time of NOT BEING HEARD..... Tell ya what terrimerritts, you take turns coming and giving us all some damned respite, you'll get to be RIGHT , and we'll get some much needed rest... sounds like a win-win to me.....

You sound like an angry, resentful caregiver and not at all the sort of person who is suitable to even be a caregiver. I don't mean that as an insult- just the facts. In this case, you would be doing your family member a favor by finding an assisted care facility or some other caregiver. Not all of us have the temperament and patience to do this for a family member. You don't so set yourself free. It would be easier for you to visit than to have to do all of the caregiving.

My mom has been living with me for 7 years. She has many health problems. In the past year she has suffered from psychosis. Beginning ast week she no longer recognizes I am her daughter. she asks me when C is coming back and where did she go. What is she to tell people when they ask about C? She is not a mean, spiteful person. We have had episodes of her hit or slap me but that has rectified with a slap to her face. A slight one but it stung and we have had no more of that. My mother recognizes my sibling and every other person she talks to but me. She requires a sitter when I am working. She has had a sitter before but improved enough her doctor said she could stay alone while I work. My sibling does not help me financially. Never has and never will. My mom went to stay with him on two weekends while I worked. She was brought home early and told she could never go back to stay with him again. She makes HIM a nervous wreck! My reply to him was WELCOME TO MY WORLD 24/7! There are times when I wish my mother would die. But deep down I don't want that to happen. I just want some help with caring for her. I am tired of living my life according to what I have to do for her. I lived alone for years and LIKE it that way. I can't bear to place her in a facility. I don't know that she would even qualify for one. She is my mother and I love her. But I don't like her very much at times. Her current mental state is no one's fault. It just is. I know that it can be so much worse and many people deal with much worse than i do. And I really love the people who tell me I should be thankful I still have my mother with me. You can take her for a week anytime you like. No takers on that offer so far! Thank you for this site to vent or whine or whatever emotion this invokes.

I speak from experience by saying that deep resentment usually means that some type of abuse has occurred or maybe just unclear boundaries where people get hurt. Took me years to learn this. Even subtle verbal or emotional abuse occurs with elderly people who have dementia or maybe just don't feel well. When they are sick it's harder to behave appropriately. However, that doesn't mean we have to take abuse. We have a right to set boundaries and limit exposure to harmful environments. If this is not the case for you then sorry and wish you luck in your situation with more specifics could say more. I am new to this site but really relate to so much of this. I let out a 3 second scream in my car today and felt so much better that I laughed after! and I pray alot sometimes really loud. It helps me. I hope you find whatever helps you!

For many of us it would only take one person to lend a helping hand and our life and attitude could be completely transformed.The real anger starts to come out when we realize there will be no knight on a white horse coming to 'save' us from the turmoil.Some may walk away themselves and others somehow tough it out even if they fully understand the toll it will take on their own life.The sad part is it doesn't get and better after the job is over because the siblings continue the same pattern.I was lucky because my parents were wonderful and that made going the distance a lot easier.The damage is already done so looking back just brings more pain.Time to move on just like my ancestors did after doing their duty for their loved ones.Yeah I did a lot of damage to my health and plans for the future but living with the guilt for the remainder of my life would be a lot worse.

Rotten siblings. Yep. When I was in my 20's I took care of our grandmother. 18 months (I was married with a toddler). No help for anyone. I even had to take care of the funeral and the estate - only one sibling showed up for the funeral and that guy didn't bother to speak to me. Today, almost 30 years later, he has a very different memory of that time - he says he thought everything was taken care of, nothing to be done. Ha! BS.
Now, it is our mother. Everyone is older. 1 sibling is kind and helpful and supportive. Another sibling is nice and all, but not really into it. Another is far, far away, but likes to stick his finger into things from afar, stir up emotions, and then watch from afar as the mess swirls, all the while being the calm, mature one.....
Then, there are siblings who no longer talk with each other. Frankly, valid reasons, but that doesn't make it any easier.....
And Mom, she just doesn't see any problems.......never has.......
No wonder we want to scream, no wonder we want to run away, no wonder we want it to be over with,already.

ah yes. rotten self centered sibling that loves to yell, scream and make accusations but won't allow you to return fire she just hangs up on you. where is the advice for that? I here every word you are saying.

A WWII saying is keep calm carry on which it sounds like you are already doing. Do you have any $$ for some respite care where you "just get a break" no walking, no movie, no doing something for yourself except sleeping????? My mom had some $$ when she arrived. She had a 2nd surgery. By this time I too was beyond burn out. The dr would only allow her to stay in the hospital 1 days so i used some of her money to put her in a convalescent home for a few days to take care of her post surgery needs. I told her it was part of the hospital. I feel so bad having done that however I needed a break. I got 2 days of good nights sleep but I missed her too much and was visiting alot anyway so I brought her home; i had hoped to keep her there a few more days.

I am so grateful to find this site.
Two days ago I was overwhelmed and frozen - that deer in the headlight thing. The only thing spinning in my head was "Oh, My God", just over and over again.....I think part of my guilt comes from unreasonable standards I have for myself-why can't I do everything and make everyone happy and still advance my career and have lunch with my friends - you know, kinda' like how things work out so well on tv......... Part of the guilt is because I come from a family that always trained us to think of others first, but forgot the part about others giving back. Sacrifice is good. Yes, but sacrifice means giving up something that you have, and I don't have anything to give anymore.........and in a family relationship (or business or friendship) sacrifice works best when everyone tries to think of the needs of the othe person first-mutual sacrifice.
Dad worked hard to support us, he worked overtime almost every day to take care of us, but he also went to the coffee shop every night, and he went for walks every day (all by himself), and he and my mom went out to dinner together on a regular basis.
Mom stayed home with the kids. She gave up so much to be there for us. She wore the same clothes for years , she cut her own hair, so that the kids could have what they needed. But she went with Dad to the coffee shop every day. She took a ceramics class once a week......I feel guilty for not being perfect, for not being there 24/7, for not being calm and taking care of things with ease, but I forgot that my parents were not there 24/7 either. They got away from the kids every day. I compare myself to the care they gave me, but I didn't realize until today that I am comparing my adult actions to my child-vision of my parents. I am trying to be what I thought, as a child, my parents were, always there, always calm and controlled, perfect. I forgot that they left the house everyday, they got away from the kids every day, they made time for their own relationship, every day. I forgot that they told me to go outside and play so they could have some peace and quiet. I forgot that they told me to stop complaining because I didn't like what was for dinner......so right now, as I write this......I am realizing that I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to be everything for everybody.

Welcome Harleigh and (((HUGS TO ALL))) It's so nice to have found this site!!! Sounds liked sooo many of us are in the same boat. I'm 52, have been overseeing things with my mother for the last 5 yrs at least (meds, shopping, etc.), and because she could no longer remember about eating and keep track of whether or not she had taken her meds, lost thousands of dollars to scam artists badgering her by phone, not to mention opening her door to strangers and family members that used her for drugs - I'm SO fed up with everything!! When it rains, it pours...at a time when home, 30+ yr marriage and job were all falling apart, I also had to leave my home and move in with my mother who hadn't taken care of me since I was 4. That's only the tip of the icberg, but i'll leave all else for another time. I have no friends to vent with, not that they would understand anyway, and a brother that doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself, and a husband that doesn't understand what's so difficult. So I feel all the pain that each and everyone of you feel, and am very thankful to have found a safe haven to let it out. No matter what has happened in the past, this is still the person that gave birth to me and I owe her that respect. ~Elaine~

I feel for you..i too have been there. I love my mom so much but i would fantasize that I would just back up her things, and take her to my sisters in So CA and leave here there. I don't know why I didn't do that. Mom really wanted to be there anyway. I was working full time; i'd come home and take over caregiving; i was full time on weekeneds....i too hated the sites that said "take care of yourself". Geeze I didn't have time to do that; I was moving in fast forward; taking care of myself might have meant a week of sleep and that wasn't going to happen. Go for a walk ha!!!! I did try that with mom however to get her up and moving but it was of no help to me it didn't solve the problems i faced.

All the advice given is practical if you are not in fast forward mode of just "keeping up." If you are in the "just keeping up phase" all that advice is worthless. Sounds like you are beyond the burned out phase so the advise is also worthless. You need tangible things to work with which isn't happening for you.

I will re read your post and see what i can do. I am in Northern CA; where are you

Hi.
Yep. All of that..........
I just found this site, too........
Do you feel that you have lost, well, you?.........
If you are at your breaking point, and a weekend off is not going to make it better, then you have to do whatever it takes to protect yourself. Noone else is in your home. Noone else is wearing your shoes..........you won't just pack your clothes and sneak out of the house one night, but you can make changes, you can make plans and follow thru.
It is normal to be angry at times. It is normal to be frustrated. It is normal to want to cry and scream at the same time. it is normal to have times when you feel numb, it is normal to feel trapped and occasionally panicked......but.........not all day, every day.........
Everyone has their own breaking point. Many here seem to be amazingly strong and determined and dedicated. I wish I was like that, but at this point, I am in the freaking out phase........I have been helping Mom for over two years. She is sometimes nice, but sometimes not very nice at all. And, she knows which buttons to push that make me feel horrible. She knows my personal, deep down weaknesses and she uses those personal weaknesses/sensitivities to hurt me, to be mean to me, and to "keep me in my place". I work on Detachment with Love, but I am really struggling with that right now. Well, OK, honestly, I am failing at that.......
In this life there are things we can fix, and things we cannot fix; situations where we can be helpful and situations where we are not helpful. Be honest with yourself, can you fix this family member, make him/her all better? I suspect not. But if you go over the emotional edge you cannot be of help anymore.
You know, deep down inside, what you need to do. You may not realize that. You may be afraid of making a decision, of speaking the truth, but it is there inside you somewhere. You are where you are right now because you want to be helpful, you want to do the right thing. Being honest, with kindness, is a good quality. It takes strength to be honest......It takes character to be honest (with kindness of course) at the difficult points in life.......you are never a failure when you are honest.....you are never a bad person/ungrateful child/lousy wife/whatever when you are honest.....

I know it is hard for mom too. Days that I would rather be shopping or going out with friends for lunch. Those days are gone. But I know if something would of ever happened to me, she would of done the same thing. Humbling, isn't it. Yes, vent away, we do understand.

More than 65 million Americans provide care to a loved one & stress is common. in even the most resilient people. You may not even realize that your own health and well-being are suffering. But, individuals who experience caregiver stress over a long period of time are vulnerable to changes in their own health. As a caregiver, you're more likely to experience symptoms of depression or anxiety.
In addition, you may not get enough physical activity or eat a balanced diet, which only increases your risk of medical problems.

SIGNS OF CAREGIVER STRESS

Feeling tired most of the time
Feeling overwhelmed and irritable
Sleeping too much or too little
Gaining or losing a lot of weight
Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy

STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH STRESS

-Accept help. Be prepared with a list of ways that others can help you, and let the helper choose what he or she would like to do.
-Focus on what you are able to provide. Don't give in to guilt. No one is a "perfect" caregiver. You're doing the best you can at any given time. And you don't have to feel guilty about asking for help.
-Get connected. Organizations such as the Red Cross and the Alzheimer's Association offer classes on caregiving, and local hospitals may have classes specifically for the disease your loved one is facing.
-Join a support group. A support group can be a great source for encouragement and advice from others in similar situations. It can also be a good place to make new friends.
-Seek social support. Make an effort to stay emotionally connected with family and friends. Set aside time each week for socializing, even if it's just a walk with a friend. Whenever possible, make plans that get you out of the house.
-Set personal health goals. For example, set a goal to find time to be physically active on most days of the week, or set a goal for getting a good night's sleep. It's also crucial to eat a healthy diet.
-See your doctor. Get recommended immunizations and screenings. Make sure to tell your doctor that you're a caregiver. Don't hesitate to mention any concerns or symptoms you have.

RESPITE CARE:

Day hospitals provide medical care during the day. In the evening, your loved one returns home.
In-Home respite. Health care aids come to your home to provide companionship, nursing services or both.
Short-Term nursing homes. Some assisted living homes, memory care facilities and nursing homes accept people needing care for short stays while caregivers are away.

You aren't alone. If you're like many caregivers, you have a hard time asking for help, believing that you have to do everything by yourself. Unfortunately, this attitude can lead to feeling isolated, frustrated and depressed. Rather than struggling on your own, take advantage of local resources for caregivers.

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) to learn about services in your community. Find your local AAA online or in the government section of the telephone directory.

Harleighkwin! I have felt ALL of the same FEELINGS that you're feeling! I'm so riddled with quilt becasue I and my family members finally put Mom in a nursing home. It doesn't end there. Now, there are constant demanding phone calls from her, demanding someone come everyday to see her, and demanding clothing, jewelry, shoes, her hair to be done ( all of which she hasn't money for) etc. etc. She is on medicaid and they give her very little money ( $40.00 a month). I and my husband are suffering financially and live in a one bedroom apt. in PA. my husband works 60 hr. a week + some. I am on disability. She is in N.J. It is not only expensive (gas) to go to visit but it is also very depressing to see my once independent Mom, in a nursing home. Plus, I'm not well, and my husband becasue of work cannot take me, he works 7 days a week.The NH is so depressing. As far as nursing home goes it is rated 5 stars and is rather nice, but the sickness and death that lingers in the hall makes me so depressed.Mom is
(and was also when she was home) very, very ungrateful for anything anyone has done for her. However, she does seems happy that she is not a burden to us ( so she thinks, and in a way her physical care is not a burden, but now there are other issues) including what to do with her house and the bills on it? A story for another day., her physical needs are taken care of in the nursing home, but what about all the rest? She has lost complete use of her legs and is confined to a wheelchair due to a degenerative disk. She cannot go to the bathroom nor bath herself. She is 86 yr. old.
Her mind also is slipping and while she was home it was difficult becasue she lived alone and each of us would take shifts away from our families ( I live in another state) for 4 days at a time to stay with her. My brother tried to take her in his home, but she demanded he take her back home after a month becasue she said his house was to small, they eat to late, they do this or do that, whatever, there was always constant complaining. He has a pretty decent size rancher. She had her own room, but they only have one bathroom and this was her constant complaint when she was there, my sis-in-law did everything anyone could possibly do to accommodate her but it was not enough.. She DEMANDED to go home only to wind up almost every other day in the emergency room for some reason or another, a fall, an upset stomach, anything! But, one of us always was called to assist her in emergency and stay hours at the hospital with her. It became to much for all of us. I and my sibling are all in our 60's and we have health issues of our own. My brother just had a hip replacement and sis had a knee replacement and I have been dealing with a very difficult case of hypothyroidism and depression which are not responding to treatment. ( I had my thyroid removed in 2009-I had five large benign nodules removed and have since become hypothyroid)
Now, guilt has taken over my life and I have fallen into an even deeper depression one of which I have never felt so badly. Some days, much to my shame, I pray for God to take me home with him. I am a Christian and I feel so guilty about all that has happen to my Mom and our family.I can't get up in the morning. I have no energy and have isolated myself from family and friends and even my own church choosing to worship instead at home, for over a year now.I cannot recover.
I just want YOU to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.Thank you for your post becasue it made me know that I too am not alone in the feelings which I have experienced over the past few years. Your 'rant' helped me. I wish for you all good things. I hope your burdens will be lifted and may God bless and keep you.

You are a saint for being honest about your innermost frustrations, I'm sure knowing how you feel has helped others, beside me, cope too. Thank you!

This was so great to read! The oringinal post and the replies... i thought i was the only one who felt resentment about people saying "oh, it is so good of you to take care of your father, you're a saint"... the last time someone said that to me, i said "Is there a reward for being saintly in this life?" It took the person aback, must say. I'm angry with people for not bothering to stop by and see my dad, at my brother for opting out completely for the last two years, and even at my mother for divorcing my dad years ago and not having to deal with any of this and for not offering to help in any way... I'm terribly sad about my dad's decline, and still have trouble living my own life after having been through such a difficult time with him and still being his only emotional connection with our family... but it is certainly gratifying to know that all of you feel the same way about the condescending and pitying remarks, thanks for this!

Welcome, again!!
You will find this site keeps us sane. When I post or just read others situations I somehow find it a little easier to deal with caregiving, I feel more patient and loving towards mom. I hope you stay with us and get some relief. It really helps.

I don't know who established this site, but God Bless them, him, her. They must have been through or are going through this. I'm not a overly religious person, but God sent me here for relief where I can vent and get away with it. My helper continually tells me I have a bad attitude. I want to choke her and may still yet. She's fat and gets paid. I've lost weight and don't get paid and lose sleep because I do this 24/7. I'm an outside person and my grass that used to look like a golf course now looks like a pasture, weeds and all. I don't have flowers anymore and I blame MIL for all of it. I know she just lays there, but I still blame her. I know there's a thin line between love and hate, but the line is getting thinner and thinner every day and not on the love side. Vent, Vent, Vent all you want. I said I wished she was gone and people here understood how I felt. My concern is for how it will affect my husband. I know he will get over it, so will I.

Is your father a veteran? There is help available. Check out the websites for assisted living facilities. There is help there. If you have less than $80,000 you can get about $2100 towards your monthly payment in assisted living. Of course memory care is more expensive. Good luck.

How about adult day care? There is a place in my town so I know there are others out there. If Haleigh could get a job and leave her parents in adult day care, that would be a true blessing. Do not know the cost but all siblings should help with the cost. Check it out.

Welcome, if anyone on this site calls you selfish or anything to that effect, they are the ones that need to leave. I just put mom into assisted living for Alzheimers. Feel guilty....hell yes I wanted to keep her at home were she was comfortable. Have a relative that you never hear from unless they feel like contacting you ....hell yes. Then he gets pissed if I tell him it's not a good time to come down for a visit as I have my hands full taking care of our mom. Am I a saint for doing this...hell no, I'm her daughter caring for her as she once cared for me.
You're not alone here, we've all been in your shoes at one time or another. This site has saved my sanity more than one.

My point was has she talked honestly to her siblings about helping? If she hasn't she needs to ASAP. If they are not responsive she needs to find a social worker that can help her start process for a nursing home or some alternative. Don't know what area she is in but she could start with her area office for the elderly.
Hope this helps.

Harleighkwin needs help, if anyone can get to her. Something's got to be done.
Suggestions?

I have read quite a few comments about siblings not helping out with the care of a parent or parents. Just curious if you have had serious discussions with them about helping by giving you some respite? I was feeling that my siblings left it all up to me,because my husband passed away and I am recently retired and it would be fine for me to do it all. I had an open discussion with my older sister about helping by giving me respite and coming and staying with our mother. I told her it wasn't fair that I do it 365 days a year and all I was asking for was a few days or a day here and there to do shopping errands or a short vacation. She evidently understood and she has been helping out more. Also my brother and his wife will come and sit with Mom while I go shopping, etc. It is better to schedule the time with your family members because if you leave it up to spur of the moment it probably won't work. I feel blessed to have my family and know that they will help if I just let them know and don't attack them for not being proactive in helping. Sometimes they may not be as good or afraid of taking that responsibility because they don't feel capable. I wrote out when my mother takes her medicines, meals, her limitations, etc. I still have my times when I think my life will never be mine again, but I know that I wouldn't feel right about doing anything else at this time but caring for my mother as she needs me. She doesn!t say hateful things to me but sometimes her dependence on me gets to me. I love this site and the support it gives by the posts from all the caregivers.

Harleighkwin! Like many others here, you have come to the right place and you have said so much of what I have wanted to say but feel guilty and self pitying whenever I do. My 90 year old father moved down to FL from OH last year and insisted we buy a house together. Once he arrived it was clear that something was wrong but by then I was trapped in a state I don't want to remain in, a house I don't like and did not want and with a father in the early to moderate stages of Alzheimer's. I know he thought he was buying me a 'legacy' but all I have is a person, who I barely know, who is scared of his disease and getting into all sorts of trouble financially. The house is a financial burden not a benefit and I doubt I will be able to handle it on my own, I just don't have the resources and neither does he.

I am constantly told how lucky he is to have me and how wonderful I am. I want to throw up each time as I hate my life, or what my life has become. My family is either in denial or does not offer any sort of help but tepid moral support through emails or phone calls. I had to BEG my older brother to keep my dad for 3 to 4 days so I can take a much needed break.

All that is just a tip of the iceberg of what I feel but I want you to know that I anytime you want to vent and scream, please do so right here!!! At least here I don't feel alone!

I am glad you and everyone else is here as we all need each other!

You pretty much nailed it, Harleigh! My aunt is a pretty easy burden but she is a burden. My working life is ruined ... well, just about everybody who uses this website could say all the same stuff I could say about how the noble profession of caregiver has affected them. Everybody loves to hear about my aunt's cute sayings -- but nobody thinks to maybe drop off a casserole or a dessert, to help me with one lousy meal. Nobody offers to sit with her for an hour, so I can run do an errand. But they are quick to tell me what a saint I am. (Please leave 'love offerings' to St. Margie in the basket by the door). My parents, instead of thanking me for taking care of my mom's sister, can only grouse and complain that I'm "living like a queen on Ami's money." Yeah, right. A queen who is up nights trying to make the numbers come out. A queen who worries about every dime. Who has made a commitment and will honor it, but there is a price. Have you seen the movie "The Milagro Beanfield War"? There's a great scene in which the Angel of Death tells a character that he''ll make a miracle, but "it's gonna call for a big sacrifice." That's all I can tell you, H. We are actors in a weird drama that we didn't ask to be in. We don't know our lines, we don't know who the other actors are. It's not the play we started out in -- or is it? We have picked up a burden nobody else wants. Of course they're relieved! But where does that leave us? Preachin' to the choir of abandoned caregivers! Bring your anger and disappointment, look for something you can cling to. Be supportive to the rest of us. We are a lonely sisterhood (mostly) but we are there for each other when no one else is. This is sacred ground you've stepped on.

Hi harleighkwin, I can identify with most of what you are saying. tthe onlt diff is my sibling helps out. But I too get frustated when someone says your doing a fine job, god will bless you, or you need to get professional help( as if I'm going crazy). Or someone says oh your mom's house is so clean and smell so good, or you need to get up there and remove the dust bunnies. I work a full time job, I gave up my house, and I am so regretting I don't have a social life. I can't even attend church. I feel my life has no purpose. I don't post often, if I did I would be out here every day of the week. What has help me thru this journey of 14 years with my mom is praying. I try and take long walks and talk with God during this time. I know he hears me, once the walk is completed, my heavy heart is a little lighter.
Take care and may God bless you, and take advantage of this site, it will do you good.!

I want to say amen to every statement you have said. I have two big gripes and one of them I share with you. I am soooo sick of hearing about my sister's life - the mountain home she has purchased, the work she is doing, the VOLUNTEER work she is doing for her community. And yet when will she comes for a visit - when the weather is cooler. When she visits it is vacation time, no help with taking care of mom. Boy did I feel every word of your rant.

Haleigh, you hit the nail on the head! I just told my husband that God forgive me, but it is time for my parents to die. I can feel my life slipping away from me. All I hear from my sister-in-law is how wonderful her life is with my brother, who does nothing to help and their vacation plans, her many lunches with friends and how fab it is to go shopping for hours on end. Makes me want to puke. I hear my husband and sons say that I have changed. I am an angry person but yet they do nothing to help in visiting my dad. There is no reason to visit my mom now that she is in late stage Alzheimer's but they could have five years ago. I could have gotten some relief. I moved my parents closer to where I live so I could manage their care better. I am their POA and they would both be dead if it weren't for my many interventions on medical care. My mother has been in the hospital twice because of medication screw ups. I feel grateful that my dad saved his money and could afford ALF for himself and my mother. I feel guilty that I am even venting about this because of hearing all of the stories of parents living with their adult children or living at home and adult children caring for them. God, I can't even imagine. I am so sorry. Your siblings need a swift kick in the ass. There are more people than I thought who just cannot face the facts of life. Those of us who can are the ones who suffer the most. I can only hope God will touch our heads in heaven. Thank goodness I finally found a place to vent. Writing is good. It helps tremendously. Thanks. God bless us.

Harlieighkwin...welcome to the land of rants! Rant and scream and use all caps if you like...this is the place. I especially identify with the statement "you are a saint, you do such a wonderful job, awww, so sweet for you to take care of your mom,"...biggest bunch of bull I have ever heard...like a compliment is going to fix the situation we are in! I used to take my mom to church and that is when I would hear most of the "compliments"; it's one of the reasons I stopped going to church because I didn't want people to know me as "that nice lady who takes care of her mom". Never mind that I am a mother, a wife, a sister (to three brothers, who do NOTHING), a creative person who loves to cook, garden, paint, take photos, decorate, sew, knit, stitch, learn new things. I struggle everyday to remember who I am besides a caregiver. I have learned the art of detachment but sometimes I still get caught up in some stupid argument with a demented person...like when she says she is 14 years old and I try to convince her otherwise - or when I am cleaning her in the bathroom and she denies that she messed her diapers, that it was someone else...OMG, you can't help but laugh. Please come back and inspire us to "let it all out"!