I have two brothers. One helps cook meals for Mom some and the other takes no responsibility for helping to look after her. This brother is disabled but is able to drive so I feel like sometimes he could help drive her to beauty shop appts, doctor appts and such. When I mentioned that to him he said "That is what medical transprorts are for." I have talked to him several times about it and he is just not going to do it. I work a full time job and I am with Mom all day Saturday taking her to beauth shop, cleaning her house, getting meds together and buying groceries. and on Sundays I have been taking her to church. I have little time for the man in my life.. Mom has always said she wants everything divided between the three of us and there is a will that states that. All bank accounts have pay on death to the three of us. However, I feel like all this time I looked after her should be worth something. After all , he is doing what he wants to 24/7 but all my off time is taken up looking after Mom. I am thankful Mom is still here but I never have any time for anything else. At this point, When something happens to Mom can I tell him that this is what I charged for the medical transport I provided for years, Cleaning her house and looking after her. It does not seem fair that Mom expects him to get a fair share when he has done nothing to help with her care.
That is why I think it almost always makes sense for the child who is doing all the work to charge for it, monthly, while the work is going on. I am certainly not talking about a parent below-the-poverty line who is living from hand to mouth on food stamps. But even low income elders can usually afford to pay something. If they can afford the full market rate, fine. If it is much less than that, so be it.
Do you think that your mother would be willing to pay you now, so that the equal division when she dies would be more fair? If so, you and she might want to visit a Certified Financial Planner and set up a care agreement for this to happen. Perhaps there is a way to also pay you retroactively for your past work. The brother who does help should perhaps be included, too.
About your brother--HE IS BULLYING YOU! Bet it's not the first time. He has got away with a lot since he is "disabled" right?
Tell him he needs to help the next time he starts to bully you. You don't have to yell, just respond to his smart ass remarks by moving closer, right in his face and say: "You are going to help with Mom by driving her to the appointments I mentioned earlier." Stare him down. Bullies are cowards, and you are too nice.
It's a game, and you can learn it. Good luck:)) xo