My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Tell your mother that if she convinces CAS that you are abusing her that she will be immediately removed from the abusive situation, so she better look at the other options seriously. And if they conclude her situation is not abusive, then she has to leave because you will no longer share your home with her. Either way, she better study those option closely!
Stay empowered and use the support here. I will be out most of the day tomorrow, but will check the site when I come home, and hope you have been able to keep your resolve. We had a similar situation-it was awful and so stressful, but in the end, it worked out for the best.
Try to keep some perspective by thinking how you would advise a friend in the same situation. You may feel really bad for now, but if this goes on and on, you'll also go on feeling bad-not just for now, but as long as it's unresolved. Since it's your mom, it's nice to allow her to stay if placement is fast, but you could even revise your thinking to she can stay until placement can be worked out, if she can act appropriately. I know you'll feel lots better when this is settled. And it will be, and faster, if you stick to your plan. When you have some distance it will be easier. Mom isn't going to be your friend if she couldn't be your mom and meet your needs when you were a child. She's not going to suddenly change. But you can meet your own needs and you've proven that you can. Just keep doing that-no matter what. Hope you can get some rest, I'm sure you must be exhausted.
It was kind of you to go to your sibs graves. What a waste of life, huh. But look who molded them. You can only wonder who molded your mom. Well, YOU can't raise the dead and give them a second chance and you can't change your mom.
I guess I'm in a philosophical mood this evening, but I just want to say that you should never be ashamed to tell your story. Someday, when you are up to it, you need to sit down with your husband and your in-laws and tell them the truth. You are taking on shame that isn't yours to own. Let it go. Be honest and be open. All of us have learned from you and you and your husband are a treasure. Don;t hide your light under a bushel, let it shine.
I'm honored that you said, "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL." Bless you Lisa. Love, Love Love, Cattails
I'm a little concerned about Mom staying the weekend. She has been backed into a corner, and you know how ferocious that can make some critters. I hope I'm being melodramtic here and not realistic, but I'm a little worried about your safety.
Take care of each other!
OMG, What will it feel like for you and your family to sleep and wake in peace. The thing about finding your strength is that there is always a challenge. It's good to feel the pain, but keep going. When it's safe to let down your guard, then you can cry and I'm sure you will. Not yet, however, you keep on moving and don't look back.
Now, I going to worry about you all night. I'm probably being melodramatic too. You best be checking in first thing tomorrow am. Love ya, Cattails
That rope in your stomach has been there all along. It just got tighter yesterday and you notice it more. See if you can also the sense of peace that surrounds you as well...it's there, too. It comes from the love of your family, the support of your friends, the angels all around. Both energies are true. The peace has way more power than you realize.
Even when they get her out of there, you may feel it. It's not something you have to make go away. and know that sometimes just noticing the rope ( or whatver energy feels negative) can make I feel like its expanding... But what usually is REALLY going on is that it's unraveling, getting looser. Just keep noticing the peace alongside it, too. The rope will lose power.
If they ask for another 24 hours for placement, say no. I share the concerns of cattail and jeannegibbs, for your safety. Thanks for updating us.
No, they won't force you to take her. The worse her behavior, the more sympathetic to you they will be. In any case they have to do their job.
Monday, right? Hang in there!
So are you saying Torri came by today? Why?
Look girl friend, remember what Jeanne said and be careful. I don't like that your mom was in your bedroom. If you are going to work Monday, why don't you have Torri take her out of your home tomorrow (Sunday)?
Your mom is a spooky broad, with a strong touch of evil. Hate to say that, but I wouldn't want her to close to me. While you are out buying bikes, she's thinking and thinking. I'm not worried about her getting any where with her bs complaints. I'm just worried about your personal safety.
Be careful and give my love to your hubby. We are all loving you both and want you to be safe and free from this terrible situation. Love ya, Cattails.
Hope you are having a good day. We had really busy long day, didn't get to check in. Love that you bought bikes--great idea. Thinking of you. Kim