My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
God bless you and give you peace -Lira
Blessings
Laurie
Donna
Ply
I do the same thing. My mother doesn't sleep the whole night through. Needless to say I rarely sleep myself. Late at night, when I know she will be out for at least 2 hours, I drive down to the local all night store and get some hot cocoa or something. It's cold out, but I also walk slowly back into the building. Everything is so quiet and peaceful at those times.
I know how much it hurts when they tell people that you don't do anything for them-the husband always said that -he is bipolor and really believes it is true but I know others know that is not true and if they believe him they can blow it out their ear, it is just something they do maybe it makes them feel better.I wrote a list for our pastor at his request of all the things I was willing to do and it was a LONG one when I showed it to the husband-he said but what are you doing for me.I am glad you are with us on this site.
I should be more patient, I should try and understand that this is just temporary, according to him, that he will be able to take care of himself again soon.
I need to be more patient....I need to do for him from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed, I don't do enough to take a break....but if I really need one, I am to just leave him home alone and go get myself some coffee.
I can't leave him home alone. And I take breaks rather he likes it or not.
brclark, so true. We are vested in the authority of the relationship even when health erodes the natural order of the relationship.
jamil, sad to say, the stress is part-and-parcel of the package of caregiving. The best way I have of managing my stress is to ensure that every single day finds me doing at least one thing that I enjoy, be it for 5 minutes, if that is all I may have to spare that day, or for up to 4 hours, if I am fortunate on any given day. For me, that is more than enough to keep my life in balance. Little things keep me happy and remind me to smile and I allow myself to cry when I feel any tears wanting to go away. Tears can be healing, at least for me. Then, honk your nose, wipe your eyes, and look up at the sky. The sky is always beautiful.
Donna
God bless all caregivers...and those whom we watch over. We all walk on eggshells regardless of which side of the fence we may be on, because we are human
I hope you stay on this site-you were one of those who helped me when I first came to this site and your friendship and wisdom was so great-it did me good to hear about others lives and I realized I had it a lot easier then most of you and helped me decide to try to keep the husband home instead of a nursig home-you not being here would be a great loss to us.
Donna